Posted on 05/13/2022 11:42:56 AM PDT by sodpoodle
You're An EXTREME Redneck When...
1) You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids
2) The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3) You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4) You think a woman who is out of your league, bowls on a different night.
5) You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6) Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
7) You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8) Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9) Your junior prom offered day care.
10) You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'
11) You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12) The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13) You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14) One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15) You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16) You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17) You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
And in closing....
Two good ol' boys in an Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!
I was raised in Mississippi.
They moved from there..................
What’s ‘young’ got to do with it? Are you sensitive because you’ve lost all your teeth or something?
“Prog humor is only funny to progs.” Maybe. I run more libertarian. It’s the libs that take all the funny stuff off the table and have destroyed comedy in this country. If you can’t laugh at yourself....you are taking life way to seriously.
Just finished my third cup.
This.
6) Someone in your family died right after saying, ‘Hey, guys, watch this.’
Young has to do with being cursed to live in the Hell you're creating.
Except when it comes to slang names like Ukrop, then you're offended....right hypocrite?
West Virginia - some many people, so few family names ......
‘Ukrop’ is usually said with extreme venom here by very unpleasant people who require everyone to think just as they do.
.
I’ve never seen a smiley or /s after it.
“ You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.”
Or, your in-laws are not just in law.
Racist. /s
Old, in your case, is being a curmudgeon in a self-made hell, too.
Did you sign up just in February only to be a wet blanket? Or was it to dictate how all us youngsters should think and act?
I believe the proper term is:
"Hold muh beer.."
You remind me of all the libs who can’t take a joke and have no sense of humor.
How about you try to grow a sense of humor?
And pull that stick out of your ass.
What say you?
You know that you are a redneck if . . .
The reason you got convicted for arson was that to get even with your ex-wife, after the divorce settlement was final and before you had to vacate the trailer she got, you got drunk, spread gasoline around, and lit a match while still inside . . .
And after the resulting explosion blew you though the wall, you stuck around to watch it burn and for the cops to arrive so that you can tell them that you have no idea what happened . . .
And the neighbors dislike you so much that they eagerly told the cops exactly what happened even though, being a nice guy, you had told them in advance what you were going to do so so that they could move their trucks, motorcycles, and ATVs and keep their kids inside while you "screw your bitch of a wife one last time."
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