Posted on 04/18/2022 6:19:08 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
NAMPA, ID—Local construction worker and faithful husband Joseph Smithereen has recently placed sanctions on his wife of fifteen years after she invaded his side of the bed, again.
"That does it!" yelled Smothereen. "Despite my continual warnings, she has proceeded with a totally unprovoked take over of my side of the bed. Her actions have left me with no choice but to impose heavy sanctions."
Martha Smithereen will reportedly have restricted access to the television, bathroom, and laundry machine. He has also worked with foreign allies to inhibit her ability to import foreign essential oil.
"If she relinquishes control of my side of the bed I will remove the sanctions immediately," said Joseph. "But I will take any further incursion into my area as a clear sign of aggression."
"I have a package of sanctions ready to go if she escalates matters further."
Martha issued a statement to reporters that she was offended by her husband's sanctions but that they didn't affect her much. "Keeping me from doing the laundry or dishes hurts him more than me. He's going to cripple his public image!"
Sources report that Martha is, however, upset she can no longer watch Tiny House Hunters because "their houses are so tiny it's crazy!"
At publishing time, Joseph Smithereen hired a third party to investigate potential war crimes committed by his wife.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Just for that, the Husband may end the day sleeping on the Sofa anyway, putting Rover on the hardwood floors. So the Wife can have the entire expanse of the Kingsized mattress all to herself for a week or 3.
Reminds me of the Benny Hill skit where the Russian and American side goes down the middle of the bed of a newlywed couple, and they need a visa to go to the other side of the bed.
The sanctions blew her to smithereens.
I’d impose swift sanctions and she would like it.
lol
Even after 35 years we sleep on a double bed. I’m allotted about 8”. I normally take more.
When we do a hotel we usually get a king bed. It’s actually weird to be that far apart.
I travel a lot for work. It’s not weird alone but it is when we’re together.
Laundry machine? Now there’s a statement from someone unfamiliar with laundry duties.
When I was single I knew 2 types of laundry; whites in hot water and everything else in cold water. I pulled some clothing out of the dryer before fully dry so I could hang them and therefore not need to iron them.
Now that I am married I no longer do laundry as my Y chromosome impaired brain cannot wrap around the 39 categories of laundry and their separate treatment.
Do the sanctions mention anything about her putting her cold feet on him?
My wife is a congenital blanket chief.
coming over to my side of the bed, unprovoked, would lead to .... a back rub... /s
“I pulled some clothing out of the dryer before fully dry so I could hang them and therefore not need to iron them.”
I do that now but wouldn’t iron them anyway.
Oh no, cold feet enters a whole new category, that’s almost akin to chemical warfare.
Mine steals the sheets and blanket and rolls up like a burrito and i freeze my butt off....
This was during the last century or shortly thereafter when I chased single women and went into an office. Clothing also lasts longer when you do that.
Same.
It’s all fun and games until the false flag chemical weapons attack by the dog who uses the distraction to expand her borders.
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