Posted on 03/11/2022 1:54:34 AM PST by Trillian
Let's have some fun!
Friday Silliness ping
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
Stop and think about it...
Think some more...it’s in the next line.
XXXXXSERWWWshortSEEEREGG#
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 m.p.h. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Trooper, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119.”
except to a leftist it would be long, because the truth is always the opposite of what they say it is
short cop jokes and the best cop one-liners.
1. What is the name of a female police officer playing the electric guitar? Her name is the she-riff!
2. When the police pulled me over for speeding, I said to him, “What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?” The police officer replied, “Keep it. When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle.”
3. Did the police arrest the robber who was only stealing wheels from the police cars? No, they haven’t caught him yet but are working tirelessly to catch them!
4. Why did the police arrest the turkey down the road? Because it had been suspected of foul play.
5. What do you call the police officer who specializes in computer-related crimes? You call that officer a troubleshooter.
6. When would you find a police officer sleeping during duty hours? When the officer is under cover.
7. Which cop is the strongest in the entire world? The traffic police is the strongest cop in the entire world because he can stop even the biggest of trucks with just a wave of the hand.
8. Why was the energizer bunny arrested by the police? Because it was charged with battery!
9. What happened to the thief who was caught by the police for stealing a valuable lamp? The thief got a light sentence!
10. What is the kind of topping that a cop hates on his morning toast? Traffic jam.
11. What happened when the officer pulled over the celebrity actor for drunk-driving? The police took a cellfie with him.
12. Why do most volleyball players turn into great officers of the law? Because they know how to serve and protect!
13. Why had the officer looked forward to arresting the winner of the fastest hot dog eating competition? Because the winner had been speeding.
14. What is the name of the cop who also hosts a TV news show every night? His name is Anderson Cop-per.
15. Which team was the cop assigned to after he demonstrated his skills in catching flies? The cop was assigned to the SWAT team.
16. Who did the toy store owner call when all the real estate board games went missing from his shop? He immediately called the Mono-Police.
17. What did the optician say to the police when they arrested him for murder? “Officer, I am being framed for murder!”
18. What is the name of the music band that cops listen to on the car radio? They listen to ‘The Police’.
19. Why did the police detectives set up offices all along the beach? Because they were expecting a crime wave.
20. Why was the sketch artist wrongly fired from his job by the police? It had been a case of mistaken identity.
21. What do you call the special branch of police who checks whether everyone is well dressed or not? You call them the Fashion Police.
22. What is the most common way that one cop will greet another cop when they meet somewhere? They tell each other, “Policed to meet and talk with you!”
23. Which is the only day in the calendar when an undercover cop is in his police uniform? It is the day that the cop is not on duty.
24. Which day of the week is the favorite day for the police all across the world? Cops are thrilled when they get to FineDay!
25. When the police caught the low-powered robot driving around in the car, what did he say to the robot? He said, “You are going to be charged with battery!”
26. What do you say when your friend wants to hear a really cool joke about the police from you? You say, “Freeze!”
Cringy Police Jokes
Making bad cop jokes is one of the favorite hobbies of the internet.
This list is all that you will require to tell a policeman joke that is so bad that it will make everyone laugh. Well, you have the green signal to go through these cop jokes, so what are you waiting for?
27. Why did the police officer arrest the celery? It was because he was charged with stalking.
28. Which is the only place in town that has 24/7 police protection from thieves and robbers? Your neighborhood donut shop.
29. Why did the police officer charge the ghost and arrest him? Because the ghost was working without the proper haunting license.
30. What do you when a cop pulls you over to give you a ticket and asks you for papers? You reply scissors and drive off!
31. Did the police officer arrest the old lady who shot someone for stepping on the part of the floor she had just mopped? No, the officer did not arrest her because the floor was still wet.
32. Why did the police officer arrest a bottle of water driving down the road? Because it was wanted in as many as three states: gas, solid, and liquid.
33. What do you say when a policeman or a state trooper does overtime? You say he is on the copper nitrate.
34. Why were there so many police officers and detectives at the baseball game? Because someone had reported the base to be stolen.
35. Why did the policeman lock up his lover? Because the officer had his heart stolen by her.
36. Why was the thief who was wearing blue gloves not caught by the police? Because they couldn’t catch him red-handed!
37. What is the most favorite gardening show of the various police departments across the world? They love watching the show ‘Lawn Order’!
38. Why did so many police officers and just one fire truck show up when there was a fire at a shop? It was because the fire was at a donut shop.
39. Why did the coffee call the police so early in the morning? He called because he had been mugged!
40. What did the police assure the old lady who had lost her wig in the locality? They said they would comb the area.
41. Why did the cop pull over the car, which had many weird paintings and drawings in different colors all across it? Because this was a case of graphic violation.
42. Why was the cop arrested on suspicion of cannibalism? Because he was caught grilling all the suspects.
43. Why do you call a cop that has learned how to fly? A heli-cop-ter.
44 Why did the bicycle cops not stop the thieves from stealing gasoline from the pump? Because they were not on petrol!
45. What happened when a rock band drummer decided to join the police academy? He graduated as a beat cop.
46. Why did the police arrest the doctor while he was checking a patient? Because he was accused of taking the patient’s pulse!
47. What do you name the sickness where someone falls ill just by seeing a cop car driving behind them? You say that the person is suffering from cop sick shock syndrome.
48. What did the suspect say when the cop asked what he was doing between 5 and 6? The suspect replied he was in nursery school at that time.
49. Why do cows never get to be great police officers? Because they are petrified of being part of a steak-out while on duty!
50. How were bugs allowed to be a part of the state troopers? Because they form an important part of the po-lice.
Two eggs, a bagel, and a sausage walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
The Squaw of the Hippotamus
Long ago in a plains tribe, three young men came of age and were to be married. They were sent out into the world with a bow and arrow and a knife to kill an animal the fur of which was to be used to make their marriage bed
Brave Eagle returned with a wonderful cougar hide that was tanned into a beautiful fur
Charging Bull returned with the hide of a young bear that was tanned into a beautiful fur.
Falling Rocks was not very successful. He returned with the skins of two rabbits and a squirrel. These were not large enough to make a marriage bed. His wise grand mother suggested he take them to the trading post and get a striped blanket.
Alas, the trader would not part with a blanket for such a minor return but offered a dusty hippopotamus hide that though rough was in fact large enough.
A year passed
The squaw of Brave Eagle presented him with a son
The squaw of Charging Bull presented him a beautiful daughter
The squaw of Falling Rocks presented him with twins, a boy and a girl
Theorem:
The Squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the squaws of the other two hides
Heh heh… math
Did I tell you about my friend Ron Kellogg? He’s a farmer. He raises sheep. He has this one male sheep that is really mean. Ron has quite a few crows that hang around his farm. A group of ten crows is called a swoop. He has at least twenty crows on his farm.
The crows tease that male sheep. The fly down in the pasture and hassle him. He chases the crows. The crows try to lure that old male sheep to run as fast as he can, and they sucker him into running into the fence post. One day that old male sheep crushed one of the crows against the fence post and the other crows got really mad.
Ron Kellogg was out baling hay and he accidentally left the gate open to the sheep pasture. The crows saw their chance. They flew down in front of that male sheep and lured him into chasing them. They kept flying low and he chased them out of the pasture and into they hay field. The ccrows kept luring him until he ran right in front of the hay baler. He got caught up in the baler and got spit out the other side, all crushed and squeezed and wrapped up in baling wire. The crows landed on him and mocked him.
So you could say there were two swoops of ravens on a package of Kellogg’s brazen ram.
That is amazing and caught me off guard. Combining two different jokes like that. I need to try that.
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