Posted on 02/13/2022 10:56:17 AM PST by PROCON
(This thread used to appear periodically over the years and here it is again, original thread posted in comments)
OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!
The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
Rules for Women to Live By
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
“More and more men are happier off, single. Not necessarily not dating, but remaining single.”
Tried dating a couple years after my divorce and decided it’s not worth it. Just as much as drama and asshattery as being married.
I have come to accept that at 58 I’m too old for a woman’s drama and insecurity so Igot a dog instead.
Perfect list, I love and respect it fully!
a high school boy wrote this.
Don’t cut your hair or get fat or i will take back my class ring.
Big ol’ FU in that general direction.
I’m partial to the last, regarding the coach. It ain’t like camping, it IS like not having a scrouger at your back all night. When I buy a coach, I ALWAYS lie down on it before purchasing. Three cushion sofas are useless for sleeping.
Fake news, that history was probably written by a scorned wife. 😎
Do you have a two or three cushion sofa?
Thanks for making men sound like goobers.
I hate beer... especially most of the cheap pisswater shit sold in America.
*************
LOL.
Virtue signal harder. The “male feminists” in the back couldn’t hear you.
Tsk, tsk, sounds like another disobedient wife. 😏
I use Magarita mix, but then I drink a Corona once in a while, for a beer. Can’t get Dixie around here. Miss those ‘Mississippi River’ nuances in that beer.
I can shift it, but I sure as heck am NOT going to go through all eight gears. My folks’ ‘68 Dodge Dart with three-on-the-tree worked fine. This eight gear nonsense is crazy (CVT automatics even worse!).
“You just haven’t discovered the miracle of bloody mary mix. 😁”
I was making a casserole and it called for three cans of Rotel tomatoes, drained. I saved the Rotel juice in the fridge and later tasted it. Man, first thing I thought of was how good it would be in a bloody mary!
This message has been brought to you by MTWNGL - Men That Will Never Get Laid! Keeping celibacy live and kicking!
“1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.”
Just don’t ever put it up yourself and you’ll find it’s left up for you.
Hmmm, football must be on my conscious mind. Coach? I meant couch. ... And Aaron Donald is going to have a nasty day today.
There are two theories of understanding women. They are both wrong.
Umm, well about all that. Go make your own sammiches.
Vodka martoonies.
the appropriate response to “beer me” is yes dear
Sorry pass on this. It takes my hand off my beer!
plus it is humor
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