“Would you like to smell the bottle cap?”
Gimme a bottle of Boones Farm will ya?
If it is a vegetarian meal, a lighter higher alcohol wine is better. Hard whiskey is better yet so your guests are too soused to notice the absence of meat.
What’s the word?
Thunderbird!
What’s the price?
Fiddy twice!
Boones Farm works.......................
No. Franzia Sunset Blush. October was a good month. And my wife’s tastes are pretty open. She prefers a white, not terribly sweet. As you can see, I’m not a wine snob. Just like my late uncle - he was an old sheet metal worker. Union member. Blue collar, FDR New-Dealer from Baltimore. Of all the beer he had to choose from, it was always a case of Budweiser that went into the fridge. He was an old crank, but he’s missed.
If you are worried about looking stupid you are a lost cause. If you want to play it safe let your wife, spouse, or significant other order.
It’s Valentine’s day. All you need to do is order an expensive bottle of champagne and you’ll be fine.
A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian
table wines. This is a pity, as many fine Australian
wines appeal not only to the Australian palate, but
also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.
“Black Stump Bordeaux” is rightly praised as a
peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good “Sydney
Syrup” can rank with any of the world’s best sugary
wines.
“Chateau Bleu”, too, has won many prizes; not least for
its taste, and its lingering afterburn.
“Old Smokey, 1968” has been compared favourably to a
Welsh claret, whilst the Australian wino society
thouroughly recommends a 1970 “Coq du Rod Laver”,
which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: 8
bottles of this, and you’re really finished — at the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.
Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is “Perth
Pink”. This is a bottle with a message in, and the
message is BEWARE!. This is not a wine for drinking —
this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.
Another good fighting wine is “Melbourne Old-and-
Yellow”, which is particularly heavy, and should be
used only for hand-to-hand combat.
Quite the reverse is true of “Chateau Chunder”, which
is an Appalachian controlee, specially grown for those
keen on regurgitation — a fine wine which really opens
up the sluices at both ends.
Real emetic fans will also go for a “Hobart Muddy”, and
a prize winning “Cuvier Reserve Chateau Bottled Nuit
San Wagga Wagga”, which has a bouquet like an aborigine’s
armpit.
To impress the waiter, just say “Gimmee some sterno with lots of ice!”
I always go with the cheapest Merlot. I don’t like sweet wines.
Suggestion.......
Don’t order wine at all
Not to be all snooty, but something red, preferably not from a box
Easy solution. Order a beer telling her you are allergic to sulphites and she picks what she wants.
Unless you're going to a "tastings-style" restaurant, Valentine's Day is not to try wine for the first time. If you'd like to order a bottle of wine, learn a few things about wine well in advance. Learn the difference between a red and a white wine; learn the difference between a Chardonnay and a Sauvignon Blanc; know the difference between a rose, a Pinot Noir and a Cabernet.
If you're at a restaurant and would like have wine, consider ordering by a glass. Restaurants usually serve a variety of wines by the glass, enough to compliment any meal.
If you'd like to try a bottle of wine but are intimidated by an extensive wine list, ask the sommelier or server what they would recommend. You can tell them, "I really enjoy a Kendall-Jackson Chardonnay...do you have anything similar?"
Assuming the audience for this is primarily male, you don't have to fully take charge (or ownership) of the wine selection. If you're married, you likely will already know what your spouse likes; if you're on a date, regardless, just ask them--"are you interested in some wine with dinner?" If they say "yes," ask them if there's a type or brand they enjoy. Simple.
If you’re going someplace like that, just listen to the sommelier. It’s their job.