Posted on 02/10/2022 6:19:55 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
There are a ton of misinformation-peddlers out there, lurking in the shadows, trying to kill you with misinformation. Here at the Babylon Bee, we care deeply about your safety, so we told our best researchers to compile a list of COVID treatments the CDC has NOT approved. Avoid these at all costs!
1) Drinking plenty of water: Please. Do you know what else drinks water? A horse.
2) Spending some time in the warm, pleasant Sun: This sun imbues us with Vitamin D, which the CDC has not approved for protection against COVID. Get inside now!!!
3) Getting a nice good workout at the gym: Stop fat-shaming! Besides, exercise will exacerbate your myocarditis.
4) Monoclonal Antibodies: Donald Trump's body was infused with monoclonal antibodies, and he's a literal Nazi. Do you really want that stuff in your body?
5) Laughter: Contrary to popular belief, laughter is not the best medicine. Stop laughing. It's probably bad for you.
6) Living A Meaningful Life Surrounded By Friends And Family: Those who live this lifestyle are 3,278% more likely to not look to the government for the answers. Sad!
7) Early treatment: Early treatment with therapeutics is a dangerous conspiracy theory promoted by enemies of Pfizer. Avoid!
8) Eating Your Vegetables: You know who else does this? Yeah, that's right: HORSES!
9) Only three jabs of the vaccine: SCIENCE now tells us it takes at least 8 jabs to achieve robust immunity.
10) Your Own Immune System: The science is clear ā the human body is incapable of doing anything without a healthy dose of medical juice.
Let's everyone do our part! We're all in this together!
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Babylon Bee always makes my day!
BB: Tiptoeing to the very precipice of truth.
Scary.
Also avoid direct eye contact with anyone. Always walk with your head down, cowed. Wear at least 2 masks at a time, day and night, and in the shower. No sugary food or drinks, or in fact anything that tastes good. Stay in the darkest rooms possible, and watch reruns of The View. All this will help to bore your COVID to death.
And, most importantly, DO NOT EAT OATS or OATMEAL because horses eat that stuff. And you are NOT a horse.
If you DO venture out and go to a restaurant, put your mask on immediately when you enter through the door. You can take it off three seconds later when you sit at your table. Have fun for 90 minutes yukking it up maskless with friends and family, drinking and eating.
BUT, when you leave the restaurant, but sure to put the mask back on for the three second walk to the door.
You can’t be too careful and you must look out for the health and safety of others around you. Never forget, “We are all in this together.”
I’ve seen people eating by taking off the mask for each bite. Imagine what that does to the inside of your formerly sanitary mask? The things are bacteria traps never intended for constant use, and have probably already killed lots of people that you don’t hear about.
I REFUSE to put on a mask when I leave a restaurant....what’re they going to do..chase me out the door?
Heretic
I refuse both going in and going out. The idea of putting that thing on for 3 to 5 seconds is just absurd.
Love the BB! The only sane news service.
I like to eat raw oatmeal. I expect that it is a gateway to apple flavored ivermectin.
Yes. The should set it up like a slide show and make you click on the next slide. Surround it with ads. Each time you click.
Love that Bee.
“Imagine what this does to the inside of your formerly sanitary mask?”
Doesn’t matter, those people are terminally brain diseased.
Anyone seen Fauci lately?
And don’t say “Frau Blucher” because horses might whinny!
Well...I do it FOR the business owners...that way They can say “they tried”...
I like raw oats with raisins and cranberries. Doesn’t even need sugar.
Have you tried raw oats with apples?
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