Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Fauci Spins His Handy 'Wheel Of Science' To See What He Should Recommend Today
The Babylon Bee ^ | December 3, 2021 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 12/03/2021 9:25:52 AM PST by Diana in Wisconsin

WASHINGTON, DC—In a development no one saw coming, Dr. Anthony Fauci has again changed his recommendation about what to do with masks by consulting his tested and proven "Wheel of SCIENCE."

“Now I know it confuses people when the science changes so quickly, as if we are just making all this up as we go along,” explained Dr. Fauci from his bunker full of neckties. “That’s why I developed this handy 'Wheel of SCIENCE' for us to spin every morning, so people can really see that this isn’t just me saying whatever pops into my head!"

"Now-- let's give this puppy a spin!" he exclaimed as he gave the wheel a mighty turn.

“What will it be today, gang?” asked a giddy Dr. Fauci. "'Masks Cause Bladder Cancer?' 'Eating Dirt Prevents Halitosis?' hmmm..."

The dial slowed, clicking just past "Cover Your Kids With Grocery Bags" and finally came to rest on: "Attach A Live Octopus Directly To Your Face."

“There it is, folks! Science has proven that the best way to prevent COVID transmission is to affix a live octopus directly over your mouth, nose, and probably eyes. I’ve been keeping this little guy here for this very moment,” said Dr. Fauci, reaching into an aquarium and plastering the surprised sea creature’s tentacles directly onto his face.

“AAAA!!! AAA!!! THE—mmrghh—INK!! AAA!!!” screamed Dr. Fauci as he thrashed on the floor. The journalists watching on Zoom stared in shock, then went straight to work spreading the news of Dr. Fauci’s latest advice to the masses.

The government media channel dedicated a segment to the updated recommendation, complete with each CNN anchor hand-selecting their own octopus. After some hilarious banter about how bad other people are, Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo slapped on their respective octopi and promptly collapsed on the floor into heaps of screams and ink.

Still, being the professional mouthpieces that they are, they managed to garble out, “THIS IS—AGHH!—WORKING PERFECTLY!! DON’T KILL GRANDMA!!!”


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Health/Medicine; Science; Society
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; covid; fauci; health; science

1 posted on 12/03/2021 9:25:52 AM PST by Diana in Wisconsin
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Diana in Wisconsin

I thought it was a dartboard.


2 posted on 12/03/2021 9:27:55 AM PST by Huskrrrr (Alinsky, you magnificent Bastard, I read your book!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Diana in Wisconsin

The “recommendation” should be a good, old-fashion, public hangin’. That’s what the recommendation should be.


3 posted on 12/03/2021 9:32:54 AM PST by lgjhn23 (Pray for America....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Diana in Wisconsin

Hall of the Mountain Fauci
https://www.reddit.com/r/LockdownCriticalLeft/comments/q82920/video_clarifying_the_science_of_vaccine_efficacyo


4 posted on 12/03/2021 9:32:57 AM PST by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion, or satire. Or both.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Diana in Wisconsin
Fauci Spins His Handy 'Wheel Of Science' To See What He Should Recommend Today

Spinning the "wheel of science" to get his daily pronouncements, is a good description.

I like to think of it as Fauci reaching into his bag of Xi fortune cookies.

5 posted on 12/03/2021 9:54:42 AM PST by FreeReign
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Diana in Wisconsin

Perfect!


6 posted on 12/03/2021 10:26:46 AM PST by sauropod (Meanie Butt Daddy - No you can't)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Diana in Wisconsin
Fauci insists that those who have recovered from Covid are further protected by the vaccine.

There is simply NO DAMN EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT THAT!!!

There IS ample evidence that there are significant RISKS with getting the jab after you've recovered from Covid.

7 posted on 12/03/2021 10:57:35 AM PST by G Larry (The "Racism" charge is code for "No Intelligent Argument")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Huskrrrr

Channeling Mr. Miyagi: Mask on; Mask off.


8 posted on 12/03/2021 11:04:53 AM PST by DPMD ( )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Diana in Wisconsin

9 posted on 12/03/2021 12:34:21 PM PST by Trillian
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Diana in Wisconsin

Dr Martin was on Cowboy Logic again this morning.

He said we are being lied to every time they open their mouths.

And the vaccine is not a vaccine, it is a sort of protein.

And ALL of this... all of this was/is political.


10 posted on 12/04/2021 5:32:19 AM PST by frnewsjunkie
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson