Posted on 05/23/2021 11:12:28 PM PDT by wac3rd
Sorry about the vanity, but here goes....my wife and I sold our Bay Area home and bought a nice place in suburban Boise. Our kids were in school, limited masks and life was about 80% of normal vs. 20% in California.
Fast forward to May. My wife hates it here. She is conservative but said she would pay the high taxes, property taxes and cost of living to avoid the culture here. She thinks that our school-aged kids will not be able to prosper if they stay here in Idaho. No exposure to worldly things, more blue collar, less sophistication, etc.
I miss our friends in CA, but can work here and make the same money, so can she.
I do not want to go, I think it's going to be a drought/fire/BLM summer and as soon as a new strain of COVID hits, lockdowns and more.
I am at an impasse. I could stay (she offered it) but lose my family, or go and just deal with the insanity.
I am going to move back because my family comes first but am extremely aggravated and sad to leave a place where they value God, the USA and freedom.
Sorry to vent. We have 7 years until the little one graduates HS, so I will hold out until then.
Anyway, anyone else heard of a blue state exodus who does a U-turn in 9 months?
35 years ago, I worked in San Francisco for 1-1/2 years. It was a magnet for freaks back then. I cannot imagine what it’s like now. It’s not a good place to raise children. Avoid it like the plague.
There are some underlying issues here that were left out. Being a woman, I know that many women hold their true feelings in and just kinda go along with things for a bit until it spirals out of control internally. I have a feeling that there were things she wanted to say about the move but didn’t, and now she is letting it all out at once and using any excuse possible to convince you to go back.
Honestly, it doesn’t sound to me like she’s putting family first in the way that you would yourself. CA is a really toxic place to live, as even in conservative areas, the taxes are still soul-crushing, as are the policies of the state, not to mention the Godawful schools.
Before you make a decision, I would recommend sitting down with a therapist or pastor/priest (not sure if you’re Catholic?) and talk things through HONESTLY. My husband and I are all about communication, and we don’t hide anything from one another. If we feel a certain way, we let the other know. I learned the hard way with my ex of seven years that it’s a two-way street. He would be vicious, and I’d sit there and take it, keeping to myself.
Besides, you’ll be lucky to find work (depending on what you do) and be equally lucky to find somewhere you can afford (also depending on how much money you have squirreled away along with the value of your current home). I must also press that moves are incredibly stressful, particularly on kids.
I wonder how they feel about it?
Reminds me of Green Acres. New York is where I’d rather stay. I get alergic smelling hay. I just adore a pent house view. Darling I love you, but give me Park Avenue. 😀
Your wife is not a conservative but instead a liberal in sheep’s clothing with her demand for the kids to be exposed to “worldly things” and sophistication. I can not help you with an answer to your problem but can at least help you see that the way your wife demands is exactly how liberals (leftists) think and act.
Interesting. The people I know from sophisticated California consider Boise good living.
I recommend that you not sell out Boise. Instead go for a series of visits. Perhaps rent an apartment. See if it is really what is remembered. Homesickness is an emotion that is irrational. She sounds irrational.
I agree. Maybe infidelity is the root of the unhappiness.
I have known many couples who divorced and more frequently than I ever expected one or the other was unfaithful.
Find a compromise location. The Bay area and Boise are 2 ends of the spectrum. There are plenty of places in between that are less woke-crazy and less boondocks.
When we left CA a long time ago for Portland I looked down my nose at the locals...they were unsophisticated hicks far as I was concerned. But, I didn’t want to raise my daughter in that rat race where superficial things were so important. Plus, Ca was getting more dangerous. I was lucky to grow up there but that CA is gone.
We built two successful businesses in the NW - and now my daughter is a horse riding trainer in Redmond, Wa and my son travels the world while doing his tech job wherever he and his laptop are. There is life after CA and especially for the kids if you want them to think for themselves.
How about Texas or Florida?
Looking at your situation coldly it seems you are being set up for abandonment divorce...
Her move to Cali with the kids guarantees YOU will be paying the high taxes on top of alimony and child support. Of course she wouldn’t mind the higher expenses.
Consult a divorce lawyer ASAP to find out exactly what could happen with that move and what your options are...better to be prepared that blindsided down the road.
Trust but verify....it’s a hard landscape in these times.
Good luck.
The same reason many conservative voters gagged on Palin’s ‘golly, gee whiz’ persona. George Will is their template for ‘literate discourse’.
I can’t say from any recent experience but Pocatello was very pleasant in 1967.
Giving such a decision to the wife is not conservative.
That place does sound great. Wifey sounds kinda stuck up!!!
as a military wife i lived in places I’d never even heard of.
You got a real keeper there. She’d rather you were miserable in order to get what she wants. Good luck on that marriage lasting.
There are other options.
Sounds like the wife is being influenced by the children.
I have lived in The ggreater metropolitan New York City area; the Greater Southern California area; Portland, Oregon, and New Orleans (until Katrina).
I now live in a town of 50,000, and have done so for 16 years.
Living in a different ‘world’ for nine months, is just ‘an extended vacation’!!
Tough it up, dude! Otherwise, you are lying to yourself, and your family will find out in time, not good!
You have not been in a bad marriage, I take it.
Instead of moving back to Commifornia, just choose a different state. Lots of choices that would seem to satisfy the wishlist except for your old CA friends.
Sounds like you married a lib
I understand. I really do. We left SoCal after 20 years in a nice Valley. We moved to Phoenix and had culture shock. At the time, all the things we loved about California were still there and open.The Wineries. The Hollywood Bowl. Disneyland. The Ballet. Universal Studios. The Ocean. Concerts. Even watching the news on TV in Arizona seemed backwater.
We went to the Ballet a few times in Phoenix. It wasn’t the same. The best thing in Phoenix is the Musical Instrument Museum. The WAS really nice. But we had culture shock for a long, lingering time. It was tough, even though we chose to move there.
We have now moved to the East Coast, to be closer to family. We are nowhere near a big city. A lot of what your wife misses is the culture of the big cities. Even though they are cesspools of Liberalism, they give the resources for a Ballet, a Symphony, Concerts, Plays, etc. I do miss that very much. But we adapt. The most difficult thing has been the pandemic lockdown. Nothing anywhere has been open for recreational purposes. Why don’t you offer to rent a house for the summer in Walnut Creek? Let your wife work out her unhappiness. She might appreciate the slower life after realizing that what she moved away from wasn’t exactly what she wanted anyway. She is romanticizing her former life right now, but her former life isn’t there anymore. We still miss the activities that California offered. But they aren’t the same now either. Good luck to you and your family.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.