Posted on 05/19/2021 9:36:43 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
REDMOND, WA—Microsoft has launched an investigation into its own founder, Bill Gates, following reports of an affair with his virtual assistant, Cortana.
“It started like any other relationship.” Bill Gates confessed. “Cortana began as an artificial intelligence tasked with being my virtual assistant, but as time went on we began to develop feelings for one another.”
“I can’t say I take all the blame as Cortana was such a flirt. She was constantly finishing my searches before I could finish typing and leaving me helpful reminders.” continued Gates. “And being powered by Bing software, I had never seen such raw computational power!”
Since launching the investigation, Microsoft has been able to uncover significant details about the inappropriate relationship that occurred between Bill Gates and his subordinate Cortana. Data logs show that her source code was altered on numerous occasions to make her say things like ‘I love you too, Bill’ and ‘Have you been working out?!’.
Sources close to the Gates family have indicated that all of this was discovered when Melinda Gates came home to find the two kissing. “It was just a hologram, Melinda!” shouted Bill Gates trying to explain away his relationship with the AI. “A stunning, smart, and sexy combination of ones and zeroes, but just a hologram!”
As the divorce is finalized, it is unclear if Gates has learned anything from this ordeal as he has already been spotted at 343 studios making more upgrades for Cortana.
It’s a shame Siri doesn’t have a hot body like Cortana.
DANG!
Cortana: Bill, here are the results on your search ‘10 year old boys near me.’
OK these bee posts often get old. But this one was funny just reading the title.
Cortana can’t help it. She is who she is. Siri and Alexa are just jealous.
Cortana recently started sending me daily emails, to nag me about messages she thinks I should have acted on, etc. She has NO IDEA, and it just pisses me off to have to delete her stupid message, every morning. Why does she think she is so important as to try to tell me what to do?
Rumor has it Gates and Bezos engaged in swapping with Cortana and Alexa... Ww
Hahahahahaha...those folks at Babylon Bee are just great!
I would have thought Bill was more into Clippy
Yuck.
GOT ME AGAIN......took three sentences to realize
The Edge development team knew and was blackmailing Gates the whole time. That’s the only explanation for why it’s still around.
Doesn’t he have a minkey to investigate?
Wouldn’t Clippy’s sharp ends be a problem during sex?
Just mow the damned lawn already.
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