9 Great New Jobs For Laid-Off Oil And Gas Workers (The Bee)

Babylon Bee ^ | 1-29-21 | Babylon Bee

[dynachrome]

President Biden is doing a great job getting rid of evil sources of energy like coal and gas, and replacing them with good energy-- like wind, solar, and baby unicorn whispers. Unfortunately, it seems that some of you may have lost your jobs as a result. Never fear! Biden has promised to replace your jobs with much better jobs that don't make Mother Gaia cry.

Here are 9 exciting new opportunities for laid-off oil and gas workers:

#1 Installing urinals in girls' bathrooms - There are over 120 million buildings in the US. That's 120 million girls' bathrooms that will need a new urinal installed for the sake of equality. Not bad!

#2 Trumpet boy for Biden’s royal decrees - Biden's executive orders just seem a little more special with a trumpet boy out front heralding the coming of a new decree! Whitehouse.gov recently posted an opening for this position. Get on it!

#3 Elementary school teacher in Chicago - There's nothing nobler than working for the education of a child. Well-- we don’t mean work, we mean get paid by the government just for existing. Not a bad gig.

[dynachrome]

#4 Carry buckets of oil up and down the Continental United States on foot - The Keystone XL pipeline may be gone, but that oil has to get to its destination somehow, Jack! There are thousands of new positions opening up for people to carry oil across the country, balanced on their heads, like tribal natives after fetching water at the village well. Start practicing now!

#5 Take that job at McDonald’s - Might as well. At this rate, the minimum wage will be $45 an hour by the years' end.

#6 Open a GameStop - It's the wave of the future!

#7 Go back in time and buy bitcoin - Just do it. Get off your butt, build a time machine, and buy some Bitcoin in 2009. Accomplish something for once!

#8 Replace all your body parts with cyborg implants and become an Amazon drone - Helicopter arms!!! Literally no downside to this.

#9 Become a youth pastor - Hardly any work required.

[HighSierra5]

Shoe shine boy for BLM rioters.

[RummyChick]

I read where the press secretary has a brother who works for the infamous Citadel involved in GME short saga.

No idea if it is her brother or just same last name.

Maybe Citadel can hire them.

[Governor Dinwiddie]

"#3 Elementary school teacher in Chicago."

That is sort of like working in the jail lock-up, albeit somewhat more dangerous.

[cockroach_magoo]

Laid off oil workers can also take their hammers and sickles over to Biden’s new Communist Conversion Corps, where they will be employed in much-needed infrastructure projects such as the brand new archipelago of insurrectionist re-education camps!

[Navy Patriot]

I suspect they can get work building the fortifications around the Nation's Capitol in DC.

They can use the Border Wall for parts.

[Track9]

You’ll get a Nobel peace prize

[sauropod]

bkmk

[VietVetwcm]

Sigh! It is getting harder and harder to tell satire from ‘reality’.

[tbw2]

Babylon Bee is proving liberals are almost beyond parody. Hence their article a couple of months ago about BLM getting the Nobel Peace Prize ... for which they were just nominated.