Cleveland Indians Change Name To 'Cleveland Genderless Sports Players With No Discernable Racial Features Or Specific Ethnic Background'

Babylon Bee ^ | 12/15/2020 | Babylon Bee

[BipolarBob]

CLEVELAND, OH—Due to mounting pressure from a growing consensus of 12 people on Twitter and The New York Times, the Cleveland Indians have finally chosen to change their team's name and get rid of the highly offensive "Chief Wahoo" mascot. After testing several new names with focus groups, the owners finally settled on the highly non-offensive title "Cleveland Genderless Sports Players With No Discernable Racial Features Or Specific Ethnic Background."

"After listening to the earnest pleas of a few recent college grads who sat through a Native American History course once, we realized something had to change," said owner Paul Dolan. "Once we make this change, we expect the lives of indigenous people to improve exponentially."

In addition to the name change, the Cleveland Indians will also replace Chief Wahoo with a generic, genderless, racially ambiguous grey face with purple hair.

Activists are continuing to push the organization to do more to right the wrongs brought about by decades of racial insensitivity. In response, the team will offer free season tickets to anyone named "Wahoo."

[PerConPat]

Cleveland “Losing Streakers” or just “Streakers”...72 years with out a world series title. Currently the longest series drought in MLB...

[pacobell]

Someone suggested the Cleveland Cucks. I like it.

[T.B. Yoits]

Cleveland Panderers

[GreyFriar]

They forgot to include the following: “And have no sense of physical coordination or ability to play any team or individual sport.”

[DUMBGRUNT]

Cleveland Cleavers.
They can do the Cleveland Chop.
Some alliteration might help?

[John Milner]

I was actually thinking “River Flames.”

[attiladhun2]

Since it gets rather chilly in Cleveland, I rather favor the new team name “Snowflakes.” During close-game rallies, the mascot could inspire the crowd by doing “the cringe.”

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Well, now, THAT figures!

DANG!

[xp38]

Cleveland Beiges

[Kozak]

COVID count

+ 2,794 DEAD
+ 254,680 NEW CASES
320,845 TOTAL DEAD

[x]

On the TV show Community, the college had to replace their mascot and decided to call their team "The Human Beings." The mascot was a person entirely covered in a body suit so that race and gender were up in the air.

[BipolarBob]

Do you believe those figures?

[x]

Somebody, probably from the city's newspaper suggested "The Cleveland Plain Dealers."

Since the team was named after Louis Sockalexis, a Penobscott Indian, a New York paper offered "The Cleveland Sockos."

That sounds awful, but they could always go with Sox that aren't Red or White.

Maybe just "The Cleveland Sweat Sox" or, heck, "The Cleveland Sweat Hogs."

"The Cleveland Mistakes" is another popular option based on Cleveland's reputation as "The Mistake on the Lake."