That is like the Rabbi who goes golfing alone and hits a hole in one. On Saturday.
Good one!
With my luck God would pull out my ex.(es)
Good one!
Here’s a classic:
Moses, Jesus, and an old man are golfing. On the last hole, they are all on the green, score tied up.
Moses has a tough putt, with a large puddle between him and the hole. Nonetheless, he putts directly toward the puddle, and as his ball approaches, the puddle parts in two, and his ball rolls right through, coming to rest 2 inches from the hole.
Jesus is also behind the puddle, but also putts directly for it. When his ball reaches the puddle, it simply rolls across the surface of the water, and comes to rest 1 inch from the hole.
The old man is barely on the green. It’s a long putt with many irregularities. He immediately faces away from the hole, pulls out a 9 iron, and rips a blistering shot back toward the tee.
As the ball reaches its apex, an eagle swoops down and grabs it mid-air. The eagle flies back toward the green, where it is struck by lightning. The ball drops directly into the hole.
Jesus sighs and says “Nice shot, Dad.”
The golfer hits his tee shot which goes high in the air, lands on a cart path, bounces, hits a tree and winds up behind a barn.
When they get to his ball, his wife says, "Honey? If I open the barn doors you have a clear shot to the green".
The golfer agrees and after the doors are opened, he hits his shot
The ball unfortunately hits the barn, bounces back and kills his wife
Three years later, the golfer is out with his pal for the first time since his wife died
The golfer hits his tee shot which goes high in the air, lands on a cart path, bounces, hits a tree and winds up behind the same barn.
When they get to the ball, the buddy says, "Hey, if I open the barn doors you have a clear shot to the green"
The golfer said, "No way I'm gonna do that. Last time I tried it I bogey'd the hole."
thanks, I'll be here till Thursday. Try the veal and don't forget to tip.
Jesus and St Peter were playing golf...They came to par 3 with a pond in front of the green...
Jesus said “I saw Arnold Palmer hit a seven iron righ to the hole, so I’m hitting the seven...”
St Peter says “You ought to hit the five...”
Jesus hits the seven into the water...
He gets another ball and says “If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can too...”
He promptly hits it in the water....
He starts down and walks across the water to retrieve his golf balls when the foursome behind them comes to the tee...
One guy says “Hey!!! Who does he think he is...Jesus Christ???”
St Peter says “Nah...He knows he’s Jesus...He thinks he’s Arnold Palmer...”
Ha!
One day Moses and Jesus were playing golf. They were at the tee of a beautiful par 3, with a lake right in the middle of the fairway. Moses selects a 5 iron, tees-up his ball and swings. His ball sails very high and lands in the middle of the lake. He mutters to himself and tees-up a second ball, this time selecting a 4 iron. This shot was perfect; landing right in the middle of the green.
Jesus pauses for a moment to ponder his club selection. “Hmmmm..... Arnold Palmer would use this,” he says as he picks up a 5 iron.
“But, Jesus. My 5 iron shot ended up in the lake. You should use a 4 iron!”
“Nope. Arnie would use a 5,” insisted Jesus.
So, Jesus swings hard and alas his shot ends up in the middle of the lake too. Jesus strolls over to the lake and walks out on the water to retrieve his ball. As Jesus is walking on the water trying to locate his ball a foursome comes up to the tee, sees a man walking on the water and one of them exclaims, “Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?”
“No,” explains Moses, “He is Jesus Christ. He thinks he’s Arnold Palmer.”
A few days later the coroner calls with a question. He says her forehead had "Titleist" on it. The golfer says yes, he was playing a Titleist. The coroner is confused why he found another ball, a Calloway, in her rectum. The golfer replied: "That's where my provisional went!"
It was a cold, wet windy Saturday in November. But the golfer kissed his wife on the forehead and headed to the country club anyway. Hadn’t missed a Saturday round all year. By the time he gets to the clubhouse, the rain is lashing the course sideways in a 30 knot wind. The course is unplayable so he heads home. He slips back into bed, nuzzles his wife and says: “It’s brutal out there.” She replies: “Yes, and my idiot husband is playing golf!”
Bookmark
Excellent
Is this like the golfer who sliced one into a neighboring field, looked for his ball, and saw a cow with a ball in its butt. Lifting up the cow’s tail, he saw it wasn’t his ball, but a lady golfer came near him looking for her ball, and he picked up the cow’s tail, pointed at the ball, and said, “Hey, Lady. Does this look like yours?” She whacked him in the throat with a five iron.
John was retired and to be honest he was always grumpy. Grumpy that is until he getting ready to play golf, playing golf, or just after playing golf. His golf buddy was Fred.
One Saturday morning John was hanging around the house annoying his wife. she finally says,’ John! just call Fred and go play golf’ which John eagerly complied.
John comes in the house about 10 hours later and very grumpy. His wife asks him why are you grumpy? didn’t you play golf with Fred? John replied that yes they had played golf but Fred dropped dead on the sixth tee.
John’s wife say my goodness no wonder you are grumpy.
Yes John said, for the rest of the day it was hit the ball and drag Fred, hit the ball and drag Fred.
David is golfing in his regular foursome on a crisp Saturday morning in October. David has honors on the 6th hole and is about to tee off when he notices a funeral procession passing on the adjacent road. He stops his pre-shot routine, removes his cap, and lowers his head until the procession has passed. He then steps up and hits a towering drive down the middle. His buddies never saw this side of David, and ask him why the apparent sudden reverence. David replied: “Well, after being married to her for 40 years, I thought it was the least I could do.”
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The head-pro is manning the merchandise counter at Bushwood Country Club when Mrs. Schmails comes ripping up the first fairway in her cart, screeches to a stop at the main door, and runs inside. She’s very upset, and screams at the pro: “I’ve just been stung by a bee!! Get me some ice and some Benedryl!!”. The pro quickly gets some ice, the Benedryl, and starts to calm her down. “Mrs. Schmails”, the pro says, “where did the bee sting you?”. Mrs. Schmails replied: “Between the first and second holes!”. The pro replied: “Now, Mrs. Schmails, what have I told you about having too wide a stance?”