Posted on 11/13/2020 6:56:42 AM PST by sodpoodle
An Old Golfer was hitting his ball from near a water hazard and his club fell into the water.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The golfer replied that his club had fallen into the water and he needed the club to have a chance to win the tournament and supplement his meager pension.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden club.
"Is this your club?" the Lord asked.
The golfer replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver club.
"Is this your club?" the Lord asked.
Again, the golfer replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an old iron club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked.
The golfer replied, "Yes, that’s it!"
The Lord was pleased with the golfer's honesty and gave him all three clubs to keep, and the golfer won his tournament and went home happy.
Sometime later, the golfer was walking with his wife along the water hazard, and she fell into the lake.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh, Lord, my woman has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went into the water and reappeared with Kate Upton. "Is this your woman?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the golfer.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The golfer replied, "Oh, forgive me Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'No' to Kate Upton, you would have come up with Jennifer Anniston. Then if I said 'No' to her, you would have come up with my woman. Had I then said 'Yes,' you would have given me all three. And Lord, I am an old man not able to take care of all three women in a way that they deserve... so that's why I said 'Yes' to Kate Upton.
And God was pleased.
The moral of this story is:
If a golfer ever tells a lie, it is for a good and honorable reason and only out of consideration for others.
Is this like the golfer who sliced one into a neighboring field, looked for his ball, and saw a cow with a ball in its butt. Lifting up the cow’s tail, he saw it wasn’t his ball, but a lady golfer came near him looking for her ball, and he picked up the cow’s tail, pointed at the ball, and said, “Hey, Lady. Does this look like yours?” She whacked him in the throat with a five iron.
I heard it as a Baptist minister on Sunday, but in any case: Who can he tell?
You win.
John was retired and to be honest he was always grumpy. Grumpy that is until he getting ready to play golf, playing golf, or just after playing golf. His golf buddy was Fred.
One Saturday morning John was hanging around the house annoying his wife. she finally says,’ John! just call Fred and go play golf’ which John eagerly complied.
John comes in the house about 10 hours later and very grumpy. His wife asks him why are you grumpy? didn’t you play golf with Fred? John replied that yes they had played golf but Fred dropped dead on the sixth tee.
John’s wife say my goodness no wonder you are grumpy.
Yes John said, for the rest of the day it was hit the ball and drag Fred, hit the ball and drag Fred.
David is golfing in his regular foursome on a crisp Saturday morning in October. David has honors on the 6th hole and is about to tee off when he notices a funeral procession passing on the adjacent road. He stops his pre-shot routine, removes his cap, and lowers his head until the procession has passed. He then steps up and hits a towering drive down the middle. His buddies never saw this side of David, and ask him why the apparent sudden reverence. David replied: “Well, after being married to her for 40 years, I thought it was the least I could do.”
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The head-pro is manning the merchandise counter at Bushwood Country Club when Mrs. Schmails comes ripping up the first fairway in her cart, screeches to a stop at the main door, and runs inside. She’s very upset, and screams at the pro: “I’ve just been stung by a bee!! Get me some ice and some Benedryl!!”. The pro quickly gets some ice, the Benedryl, and starts to calm her down. “Mrs. Schmails”, the pro says, “where did the bee sting you?”. Mrs. Schmails replied: “Between the first and second holes!”. The pro replied: “Now, Mrs. Schmails, what have I told you about having too wide a stance?”
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