Posted on 10/05/2020 3:30:08 AM PDT by sodpoodle
An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
I didnt think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.
I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.
Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. Its a case of in one ear and out the udder.
I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.
My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.
My wife claims Im the cheapest person shes ever met. Im not buying it.
Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16. The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
I told my carpenter I didnt want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision. Suture self. _,___
Did you hear about the canary that had AIDS? The doctor said it was untweetable.
My doctor told me that I only have 6 months to live. I told him “if you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion.” He said “OK, you’re ugly too.”
I’m too lazy to be a busy body!
Did you hear about the dehydrated Frenchman? His name was Pierre.
ha . Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor gave me only have 6 months to live. I told him “ But Doc, I can’t pay your bill” So he gave me another 6 months.
>>I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.<<
I used to date a girl with one leg shorter than the other. Her name was Ilene.
Turns out it is a family genetic trait. Her Asian cousin has the same condition. Her name is Irene.
For posting that, you should be arrested and tried. It would be a no pun and shut case!
True story:
Back in my working daze, I was talking with a co-worker about nothing in particular. At one point he was unable to find his scissors and was rummaging around on his desk to find them.
I told him they must have cut out.
I’ve been to the dentist a lot. So I know the drill
Gotta get a Steven Wright in
.
“The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to the North Pole. Now Santa Claus is missing.”
Reads like Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield trading old one-liners.
I have no opunion on the subject; but, objectively, one could be verbose.
How did the salt-water taffy get to the boardwalk? It took the chew-chew.
I read the news where a guy was arrested for indecent exposure but was released for lack of evidence.
So I says to my wife with the wooden leg, Peg ...
I told my wife that she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high... She looked surprised.
A guy had a photographic memory. Unfortunately it never develops. He got locked a darkroom for two weeks. He died of exposure. Laugh all you want; but it wasnt a very pretty picture.
Another Steven Wright.
Lol
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