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Groaners;)
email from friend | 10/5/2020 | unknown

Posted on 10/05/2020 3:30:08 AM PDT by sodpoodle

An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.

I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met. I’m not buying it.

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16. The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision. Suture self. _,___


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: clever; cute; humor; jokes; playonwords
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make up a few!
1 posted on 10/05/2020 3:30:09 AM PDT by sodpoodle
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To: sodpoodle

Did you hear about the canary that had AIDS? The doctor said it was untweetable.


2 posted on 10/05/2020 3:37:51 AM PDT by HighSierra5
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To: sodpoodle

My doctor told me that I only have 6 months to live. I told him “if you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion.” He said “OK, you’re ugly too.”


3 posted on 10/05/2020 3:47:28 AM PDT by Oshkalaboomboom
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I’m too lazy to be a busy body!


4 posted on 10/05/2020 3:52:24 AM PDT by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
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To: sodpoodle

Did you hear about the dehydrated Frenchman? His name was Pierre.


5 posted on 10/05/2020 3:58:40 AM PDT by IncPen ("Inside of every progressive is a Totalitarian screaming to get out" ~ David Horowi)
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To: Oshkalaboomboom

ha . Rodney Dangerfield


6 posted on 10/05/2020 4:09:39 AM PDT by nuconvert ( Warning: Accused of being a radical militarist. Approach with caution.)
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To: Oshkalaboomboom

My doctor gave me only have 6 months to live. I told him “ But Doc, I can’t pay your bill” So he gave me another 6 months.


7 posted on 10/05/2020 4:12:28 AM PDT by RonnG (')
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To: sodpoodle

>>I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.<<

I used to date a girl with one leg shorter than the other. Her name was Ilene.

Turns out it is a family genetic trait. Her Asian cousin has the same condition. Her name is Irene.


8 posted on 10/05/2020 4:25:38 AM PDT by freedumb2003 ("Do not mistake activity for achievement." - John Wooden)
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To: sodpoodle

For posting that, you should be arrested and tried. It would be a no pun and shut case!


9 posted on 10/05/2020 4:26:22 AM PDT by Fresh Wind (When seconds count, social workers are days away.)
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To: sodpoodle

True story:

Back in my working daze, I was talking with a co-worker about nothing in particular. At one point he was unable to find his scissors and was rummaging around on his desk to find them.

I told him they must have cut out.


10 posted on 10/05/2020 4:32:46 AM PDT by Fresh Wind (When seconds count, social workers are days away.)
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To: sodpoodle

I’ve been to the dentist a lot. So I know the drill


11 posted on 10/05/2020 4:45:07 AM PDT by nuconvert ( Warning: Accused of being a radical militarist. Approach with caution.)
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To: sodpoodle

Gotta get a Steven Wright in ….
“The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to the North Pole. Now Santa Claus is missing.”


12 posted on 10/05/2020 4:48:24 AM PDT by nuconvert ( Warning: Accused of being a radical militarist. Approach with caution.)
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To: sodpoodle

Reads like Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield trading old one-liners.


13 posted on 10/05/2020 5:14:55 AM PDT by Bobalu ("You can't serve papers on a rat, Baby Sister. You gotta kill him or let him be." --Rooster Cogburn)
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To: Fresh Wind

I have no opunion on the subject; but, objectively, one could be verbose.


14 posted on 10/05/2020 5:25:44 AM PDT by Robert A Cook PE ( I can only donate monthly, but the radical ABCNNBCBS does it every hour on their news.)
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To: sodpoodle

How did the salt-water taffy get to the boardwalk? It took the chew-chew.


15 posted on 10/05/2020 5:29:35 AM PDT by Be Free (When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.)
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To: sodpoodle

I read the news where a guy was arrested for indecent exposure but was released for lack of evidence.


16 posted on 10/05/2020 5:30:20 AM PDT by HighSierra5
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To: sodpoodle

So I says to my wife with the wooden leg, Peg ...


17 posted on 10/05/2020 5:44:53 AM PDT by Phlap (REDNECK@LIBARTS.EDU)
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To: sodpoodle

I told my wife that she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high... She looked surprised.


18 posted on 10/05/2020 5:50:53 AM PDT by Raven6 (Psalm 144:1 and Proverbs 22:3)
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To: sodpoodle

A guy had a photographic memory. Unfortunately it never develops. He got locked a darkroom for two weeks. He died of exposure. Laugh all you want; but it wasn’t a very pretty picture.

Another Steven Wright.


19 posted on 10/05/2020 6:13:17 AM PDT by suthener
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To: Raven6

Lol


20 posted on 10/05/2020 6:44:06 AM PDT by nuconvert ( Warning: Accused of being a radical militarist. Approach with caution.)
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