Did you hear about the canary that had AIDS? The doctor said it was untweetable.
My doctor told me that I only have 6 months to live. I told him “if you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion.” He said “OK, you’re ugly too.”
I’m too lazy to be a busy body!
Did you hear about the dehydrated Frenchman? His name was Pierre.
>>I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.<<
I used to date a girl with one leg shorter than the other. Her name was Ilene.
Turns out it is a family genetic trait. Her Asian cousin has the same condition. Her name is Irene.
For posting that, you should be arrested and tried. It would be a no pun and shut case!
True story:
Back in my working daze, I was talking with a co-worker about nothing in particular. At one point he was unable to find his scissors and was rummaging around on his desk to find them.
I told him they must have cut out.
I’ve been to the dentist a lot. So I know the drill
Gotta get a Steven Wright in ….
“The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to the North Pole. Now Santa Claus is missing.”
Reads like Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield trading old one-liners.
How did the salt-water taffy get to the boardwalk? It took the chew-chew.
I read the news where a guy was arrested for indecent exposure but was released for lack of evidence.
So I says to my wife with the wooden leg, Peg ...
I told my wife that she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high... She looked surprised.
A guy had a photographic memory. Unfortunately it never develops. He got locked a darkroom for two weeks. He died of exposure. Laugh all you want; but it wasn’t a very pretty picture.
Another Steven Wright.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
We are at the Beach and my wife was arrested for having a flat chest, so we sued, the Judge tossed the case due to insuffient evidence.
My bird told me it had contracted chirpes, the canarial disease. Unfortunately, it was untweetable.
This one is sure to offend... But my son brought it home from school and I have to share it:
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she understands.
I know... I know... I awful.
This one is sure to offend... But my son brought it home from school and I have to share it:
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she understands.
I know... I know... I awful.