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Government Accidentally Shuts Itself Down With Ban On Non-Essential Businesses
Babylon Bee ^ | 3/26/2020 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 03/26/2020 6:32:47 PM PDT by tbw2

Edited on 03/26/2020 6:35:29 PM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress has asked all non-essential businesses to limit their hours or close entirely for an undetermined amount of time.

But this shutdown mistakenly shut down the most non-essential entity of all: the government.

For a brief period of time, all government in the United States was illegal, since it is completely non-essential to everything.

"Oops," said Senator Mitch McConnell. "We meant non-essential private businesses. Of course, the government is always essential, even when it's not doing anything or making things worse."

Senators, congresspeople, and bureaucrats frantically attempted to rewrite the ban to include only businesses that actually produced something and not government agencies that just watched other people make stuff. Though they had dragged their feet on passing bills related to relieving the financial distress of the shutdown, they passed this revision in record speed, almost as quickly as they vote for pay raises for themselves.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said she would have caught the mistake but had passed the ban in a hurry, saying, "We had to pass the ban to see what it did."


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; comedy; coronavirus; humor; parody

1 posted on 03/26/2020 6:32:47 PM PDT by tbw2
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To: tbw2

Government Accidentally Shuts Itself Down With Ban On Non-Essential Businesses
https://babylonbee.com/news/government-accidentally-shuts-itself-down-with-ban-on-non-essential-businesses


2 posted on 03/26/2020 6:33:08 PM PDT by tbw2
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To: tbw2

LOL!!!!


3 posted on 03/26/2020 6:33:14 PM PDT by TomServo (See my tagline)
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To: tbw2

It would be no accident. :)


4 posted on 03/26/2020 6:34:11 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; Not Averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: tbw2

LOL


5 posted on 03/26/2020 6:35:20 PM PDT by Tennessee Nana
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To: tbw2

👍🏼 😂


6 posted on 03/26/2020 6:35:41 PM PDT by Jane Long (Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow.)
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To: tbw2

Forced me to do a double take to make sure it was the Babylon Bee.


7 posted on 03/26/2020 6:36:09 PM PDT by Pox (Good Night. I expect more respect tomorrow.)
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To: tbw2

This time I knew instantly.

The Bee at its finest.


8 posted on 03/26/2020 6:36:22 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith...)
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To: tbw2

Oh my gosh!!!

Hilarious!!


9 posted on 03/26/2020 6:37:01 PM PDT by pax_et_bonum (God is good, He loves us, and He is always with us.)
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To: tbw2

I swear, whoever is writing for the Bee for the last year or so is just a GENIUS! LOL!


10 posted on 03/26/2020 6:42:28 PM PDT by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
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To: tbw2; All

Excellent! We just did a cut and paste and emailed it to conservative friends and neighbors.


11 posted on 03/26/2020 6:47:16 PM PDT by Cobra64 (Common sense isn’t common anymore.)
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To: tbw2
Don't we all wish it would!!
12 posted on 03/26/2020 6:51:10 PM PDT by prophetic (Trump is today's DANIEL. Shut the mouth of lions Lord, let his enemies be the Cat Food instead.)
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To: tbw2

lol.....The Bee is on fire this week.


13 posted on 03/26/2020 6:56:23 PM PDT by mad_as_he$$
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To: tbw2

bttt


14 posted on 03/26/2020 7:11:30 PM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire. Or both.)
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To: tbw2

If only.


15 posted on 03/26/2020 7:12:32 PM PDT by livius
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To: tbw2

LOL Satire just isn’t satire anymore!


16 posted on 03/26/2020 7:39:40 PM PDT by TigersEye (MAGA - 16 more years! - KAG)
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To: tbw2
These guys are on a roll.

Thanks for the laughs, BB.

17 posted on 03/26/2020 7:43:41 PM PDT by TChad (The MSM, having nuked its own credibility, is now bombing the rubble.)
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To: tbw2

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahah!


18 posted on 03/26/2020 7:47:55 PM PDT by skr (May God confound the enemy)
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To: tbw2

Babylon Bee, better than the NY Slimes!!! Great job, Babylon Bee.


19 posted on 03/26/2020 7:52:06 PM PDT by Deplorable American1776 (Proud to be a DeplorableAmerican with a Deplorable Family...even the dog is, too. :-))
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To: tbw2

‘Pass it to see what’s in it’

Ha!


20 posted on 03/26/2020 9:47:57 PM PDT by redinIllinois (Pro-life, accountant, gun-totin' Grandma - mui issue voter)
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