Perhaps in the new version they will confiscate Cornelius' revolver...
Posted on 12/25/2019 4:40:46 PM PST by DoodleBob
U.S.—An upcoming more politically correct remake of classic Christmas program Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer will have Rudolph immediately sue Santa for discriminating against the color of his nose.
The exciting film will follow the story of Rudolph's uphill court battle against the ultra-privileged bigot Santa Claus and his accomplices.
According to insiders, the epic climax of the film will show Santa Claus losing the court case and his business. He'll then be sent to a North Pole gulag for "re-education" at the hands of tiny secret police elves.
Other changes have been made as well. Prospector Yukon Cornelius will no longer sing about oppressive capitalistic commodities like silver and gold, but will rather belt out a charming tune about food stamps and bread lines. In a particularly bloody sequence, the toys living on the Island of Misfit Toys will rise up in violent revolution and slaughter hundreds of elves with a guillotine.
"Overall, this is a much more woke take on Rudolph," wrote a Huffington Post critic after seeing an early screening. "Rudolph will rise up and overthrow his prejudiced oppressors, as should have happened all along."
"Finally, a Rudolph film for the whole family," the early preview concluded.
Perhaps in the new version they will confiscate Cornelius' revolver...
Will Mayor Pete be playing Hermie?
Let’s just go full Hollywood and turn Rudolf into a lesbian woman reindeer, fighting the evil patriarchy of Santa.
I’d still like a version of The Night The Reindeer Died.
This is pretty funny but nothing will be funnier than “Raging Rudolph” (search it on YouTube - CAUTION!NSFW!!)
Funny, another great article from the Bee...
Santa Claus is white, ain’t he?
Santa’s Toy Works is a union-free, right-to-work shop.
Rudolph (going back to his roots) will want to pay homage to his father Venny who was a reindeer in the bootleg era.
Venny’s son.
I heard a version by someone called Jack Johnson tonight. It adds:
Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say:
“Rudolph with your nose so bright
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee (yippee)
“Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
You’ll go down in history.”
Well Rudolph he didn’t go for that
He said “I see through your silly games
How could you look me in the face
When only yesterday you called me names?”
Well all of the other reindeers man,
Well they sure did feel ashamed,
“Rudolph you know we’re sorry,
We’re truly gonna try to change”
I found the name of the artist from some feminist website where she talked about how her husband was just mortified by how mean they were to Rudolph and he just LOVED this version. What a cuck, LOL.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
I saw people having meltdowns a few years ago on another site over a black Santa. Which made me laugh.
Well, the message is “unless you are useful, even your own parents will be ashamed of your”. And “If you are different, expect to be bullied”
Harsh, but true.
Will Mayor Pete be playing Hermie?
Mayor Pete will play the elf that packs the fudge.
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