Posted on 09/26/2019 12:22:44 PM PDT by sodpoodle
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Dam.
What did the dam say?
Dumb bass.
LOL
Why wont they let Cinderella play sports?
Because she always runs away from the ball.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can never find home...
What is it called when a Blonde dyes her hair black?
Artificial Intelligence.
A homeless person in San Francisco wanders into a Catholic church and takes a seat in one of the confessional booths. A young priest sees the booth is occupied so he sits in the priests side and knocks on the wall. Nothing happens so he knocks again. Still nothing so he knocks louder and says “is anyone there”. The bum says, knock it off buddy, there isn’t any toilet paper in here either.
A two-fer.
Why did the Chicken cross the Road?
To go see the Retard.
Knock-Knock
Who’s There?
The Chicken.
The Chicken Who?
The Chicken who came to see you.
I don't know.
Oh,so you're the one!
A queer, a muslim, and a communist walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hello, Mr. Obama.”
I thought it was: If I had the guts I’d do it again.
Two older ladies are sitting on a park bench when one of them says to the other:
“It seem your starting to lose your hearing.”
To which the other replies:
“Just a little, but after I diet that weight should come right off.”
By the way, that joke was a modification of an old ethnic joke, with Hillary playing the part of the ethnic group you wanted to make fun of.
Of course I never told the joke in its original form. Even as a lad I was always 100% politically correct.
Why don’t you see many blind skydivers?
Scares the crap out of their dogs.
I think that joke got someone zotted once. I really do.
The lead in was... Well, I better not go there.
LOL She MUST HAVE BEEN BLOND.
All that work for just 2 bits.
Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents.
A young Catholic girl was praying the day before her Senior Prom.
“Mary, you who conceived without sinning, please help me to sin without conceiving.”
What do you call a herd of sheep rolling down a hill?
A lambslide.
Related
A man relates his dreams to his psychologist.
Doctor, last night I dreamed I was a tee-pee, and the night before I dreamed I was a wig-wam.
The doctor replied.
Well that’s an easy one, it’s stress, your two tents.
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