I Told My Boyfriend How Many People I’d Slept with…and He Didn’t Like the Answer

“My boyfriend can’t get over how many people I’ve slept with. I shouldn’t have told him, but he pressed me for the info. He was 'nerdy’ for most of high school and college, and just started coming into his own in his mid to late 20s. I have been dating consistently for years, and have had my fair share of hookups and relationships. And while I don’t think my number is crazy at all, he can’t deal with the discrepancy. We’ve been dating for two years and we’re serious. I don’t want to break up. How can I handle this?”

I agree that you probably shouldn’t have told him, but lots of people fall into the trap of discussing their sexual history with their current partner, and I get it. If you trust someone, it’s natural to want to talk about what you’ve learned from past relationships and sexual experiences. That said, numbers really aren’t necessary, and rarely do anything aside from making one person feel bad.

But you can’t go back, and his reaction may have provoked an important conversation. After all (and as you well know), this isn’t an issue of who has slept with more people. It’s about his comfort with his past, and it’s about both of you establishing that your needs are being met by this relationship.

First, you have to figure out the problem you’re tackling, because it will change the course of action.

If the number is greater than zero, you should be extremely wary of marrying her, as the divorce and infidelity rates for non-virgin brides are obscene and extreme. Women should understand that men are looking for virgin wives with no debt and no tattoos, and act accordingly.

Thank you for speaking the plain truth on a topic and in an era where the truth is almost universally hated. Sexual promiscuity has become so pervasive and so many are guilty of it that most people would prefer to be confirmed in their sin than hear the truth about chastity. God didn't give us His law to punish us. Much like a loving father who tells his children not to play in traffic, he wants to keep us safe and protect us up so we can be truly free and authentically happy. The great evils of our day: broken families, fatherless children, venereal diseases, mass perversion, demographic decimation, and abortion are all at their root caused almost entirely by promiscuity.

Money isn’t everything but it certainly goes a long way, just like attractiveness. If a woman is choosing between two nice attractive men and one works at an executive for a public company and drives a nice car and the other works at Subway for $9/hr, which one will the typical woman want? Of course, it varies by woman. Some it matters just a small amount - especially if they have a trust fund. Others hanging by a thread financially with kids may care about nothing else.

“Not many 37 year olds with my income driving a maserati that can travel the world and still sock away $150k/year for retirement out there, I’m more worried about finding women above the hot/crazy matrix line.”

My advice, for what it’s worth, it to not let on regarding your situation, at least if you’re looking for something serious, as you’ll get the hot/crazy ones. Tell them at the outset that life ahead will be challenging, but you’re determined to get through (come up with some cover story, like you do editing instead of programming, so you’re not worth nearly what programmers, or whatever you do, are making). Also get a second, non-flashy car, like a Camry (and figure out where to hide the first one when necessary).

The crazy ones will move on, those who don’t are at least worth consideration.

Hah, men get shamed non-stop in modern society. It’s in every commercial, TV show, movie, MSM, colleges, corporate America, etc. A man that is a slut still could have value to the majority of women in America if they have other redeeming qualities. That’s far less true for women to men. You may not like that, and it may not be fair, but welcome to thousands if not hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. Men value beauty, fertility and chastity. Women value safety, financial security (hence why more likely to vote socialism) and attraction in all its forms. A man can provide all 3 of those things even if the guy is a playboy.

Well, back in the day, women were raised in cages, so marriage was merely a transfer from one cage to another. Whenever I look at Islamic culture and shudder, I have to remind myself that our own culture as recently as 70 years ago wasn’t so different.

Your hyperbole and empowerment of "putting masculinity"/patriarchy in its "cave" just reinforces your hypocrisy, especially when bringing Islam, lol.

My grandma loved being a house wife and raising the next generation that fought to preserve civilization. I don't remember my grandfather putting her in a "cage" (She worked as a manager after raising the kids starting in the late 1940s). Now its party in college, ride the co*k carousel until the mid 30's, and settle down. Women have it all backwards nowadays. The result, weaker men (Oh, we have adjust the hegemony to dumb down masculinity so women can compete) with Islamic refugees taking up the slack. Muhammad is running wild in Europe and parts of the US (Spreading too).

Men value beauty, fertility and chastity.

The question for me isn't "do they value it" but "do they deserve it."

Women value safety, financial security (hence why more likely to vote socialism) and attraction in all its forms. A man can provide all 3 of those things even if the guy is a playboy.

And what I am saying is that once a woman can provide the first 2 for herself, she behaves accordingly, which enrages men.

Being called names has never bothered me. Never understood why so many people get so upset about it. I learned early in life that getting upset about those things, or your momma jokes or other things kids say to each other just made it more likely to continue. Just live your life without caring.

I Can't answer for the guy you are responding to but I personally am not mad at anyone for their choices as long as I don't have to support you financially, I just get flabbergasted that people (in this case women) want to act like there aren't consequences for your actions and that others (men) have a different POV than the woman in the article on said topic.

"This woman didn’t know how to drive, didn’t know how to write a check, didn’t know how much money was in the bank, didn’t know how to reconcile a checking account, and didn’t know how to operate a clothes dryer..."

Didn't let her or she didn't want to? My separated wife never wanted to know how to do those things (except the last, she did most of the housework as a self imposed stay at home wife - I begged her to keep working), still doesn't even though my alimony will run out in 13 years. And, unfortunately, you just described 80% of millennials. The truth is, though, that women have historically controlled the purse strings. My great grandmothers did. My great aunts did. My grandmother did. My aunts did. My mother did. I'm the first guy in my family in ions that is/was married that managed the finances, and that's because I happen to be very good at all things finance - personal, corporate, banking, investments, etc.

“But playing the odds is always a good idea unless you can stack the deck in your favor (most cannot).”

That’s what I’ve said a number of times here. It’s nothing personal with American Woman, I just played the odds, as did my sons.

But, since there are plenty of men who don’t play the odds, there’s still plenty of them out there for American Woman (probably a solid majority of men).

I have no intention of every re-marrying. Just not worth it. I will be paying alimony for 13 years (equiv of $90k pre-tax income) plus she is taking half even though she not only didn’t contribute but spent all of the money she made and most of mine. Will never put myself in that situation again. And we still get along well 95% of the time even separated now 4 months. I plan on having some fun for 2-3 years (I was one of those wait till marriage people) as some catch up and then we’ll go from there. My close guy friends have given me similar solid advice.

“You clearly don’t know what you’re talking about, and should refrain from imputing motives or state of mind to other people. Really. That tactic is straight out of Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals”. That you would employ it is very unflattering to you.”

I have to agree with that. Calling a promiscuous woman who does ‘hookups’ a slut is a fitting definition for her. Calling the guy who says it, I think fits Rule #13 pretty good:

“Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.”

The question for me isn't "do they value it" but "do they deserve it."

Plenty do. Many (more) do not.

And what I am saying is that once a woman can provide the first 2 for herself, she behaves accordingly, which enrages men

LOL! How old are you if you don't mind me asking? First of all, many many women are not providing for themselves. They are relying on their significant other, their family and government. Second, as much money as most women under 40 spend shopping these days, most men are more than happy to let their wives be financially independent. My (now separated wife, who is begging me to stay now) wife begged me for 3 years to let her quit working because she couldn't handle the stress (we have no kids). Most of her friends have done the same as have nearly every single exec in my last 2 company's wives done the same - as soon as their man can support an upper middle class lifestyle on their own they want no part of corporate America. Working is stressful, extremely stressful - especially once you hit senior manager/director level. I've been a VP for 2.5 years now and the only reason I'll put up with this stress level is because I'll be able to retire in my upper 40s with enough passive income to generate $200k/yr forever without touching principal or Social security.

” This thread just jumped the shark.

Anyone who thinks Islamic culture circa AD2019 is even remotely like American culture circa AD1949 has no credibility. That’s just dumb. It’s not even worth the effort of looking up and posting “The Ultimate Flame” “

Another comment to you - that was my first thought too: WHAT, does she not understand that SOMEONE needed to be home to raise kids, given the society back then? And it wasn’t like she got WHIPPED if she happened to speak to an unrelated male in the supermarket, or show a bit of ankle.

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