I Told My Boyfriend How Many People I’d Slept with…and He Didn’t Like the Answer

“My boyfriend can’t get over how many people I’ve slept with. I shouldn’t have told him, but he pressed me for the info. He was 'nerdy’ for most of high school and college, and just started coming into his own in his mid to late 20s. I have been dating consistently for years, and have had my fair share of hookups and relationships. And while I don’t think my number is crazy at all, he can’t deal with the discrepancy. We’ve been dating for two years and we’re serious. I don’t want to break up. How can I handle this?”

I agree that you probably shouldn’t have told him, but lots of people fall into the trap of discussing their sexual history with their current partner, and I get it. If you trust someone, it’s natural to want to talk about what you’ve learned from past relationships and sexual experiences. That said, numbers really aren’t necessary, and rarely do anything aside from making one person feel bad.

But you can’t go back, and his reaction may have provoked an important conversation. After all (and as you well know), this isn’t an issue of who has slept with more people. It’s about his comfort with his past, and it’s about both of you establishing that your needs are being met by this relationship.

First, you have to figure out the problem you’re tackling, because it will change the course of action.

I don’t see any statement that they are having sex. Did I miss something? It is possible to date and not have sex.

I suppose it's possible, but given that she's indicated that neither of them are virgins and that she, in fact, has a number she's unwilling to share with us, it seems pretty unlikely.

Couples should have this talk at the beginning. Both the man and woman should be honest with each other. Anyone who doesn’t want to talk about the past should say so. But the question is relevant.

A doctor’s visit might confirm that no diseases are present, but it won’t tell much about a person’s character. For example, was she (or he) in serious relationships that didn’t work out? Or was she (or he) just hooking up?

“I don’t care, and don’t judge, but I do feel that if you will nail anything that moves, you shouldn’t judge women who have had previous experiences.

And I completely agree! This is one area where society - particularly men, maintain a pretty significant double standard.

Oh. So the only way to have solid families is for women to be completely financially dependent, not be able to have credit, have jobs, hold property, or even escape if they are being beaten. The only way to have solid families is for women to be ... like in Islam, I guess.

Well, if that's the only way, sorry Charlie, I'm happy to be free.

Did you read post 240 or did you just write it?

I do recall from other threads that no man is good enough for you—an attitude that, coupled with your screen name, stands in one’s memory.

You struck me as the sort of woman who was the fall-gal in the Churchill anecdote that ends “Madam, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”

Guys are always flawed, and most of them know that.

I call bitches, bitches. They deserve it. Don't want to be called a bitch? Simple: Don't be a bitch.

You seem very defensive of the female referred to in the OP. She seems to be more than a little of a slut. Ooops, I did it again … Hey! Don't want to be called a slut? Simple: Don't be a slut. See how it works?

Finally, I did NOT say to throw rocks at women. Read carefully.

The changes made so that these “trapped and subservient” wives would be free. Were they worth it?

Frankly, as I approach my sixties, I’m starting to think this historic “he beat her” shibboleth is just another version of “rape, incest, life of the mother” trope.

> Oh. So the only way to have solid families is for women to be completely financially dependent

If that was the only alternative, the price would still not be worth it. Talk to some of the casualties.

But of course it is not and never was the only alternative. A wife having the capability to generate income has always been a vital insurance policy as well as having other benefits to families.

This view of yours, either the current ruinous situation or innocent wives being beaten by terrible men nationwide, and those are the only two options - that is straight from the Communist playbook. You should recognize this and confront that it has colored your perceptions.

> I’m starting to think this historic “he beat her” shibboleth is just another version of “rape, incest, life of the mother” trope

I hear it practically word-for-word from the infanticide brigade, on a regular basis, and they take umbrage to objections in the exact same way too.

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