I Told My Boyfriend How Many People I’d Slept with…and He Didn’t Like the Answer

“My boyfriend can’t get over how many people I’ve slept with. I shouldn’t have told him, but he pressed me for the info. He was 'nerdy’ for most of high school and college, and just started coming into his own in his mid to late 20s. I have been dating consistently for years, and have had my fair share of hookups and relationships. And while I don’t think my number is crazy at all, he can’t deal with the discrepancy. We’ve been dating for two years and we’re serious. I don’t want to break up. How can I handle this?”

I agree that you probably shouldn’t have told him, but lots of people fall into the trap of discussing their sexual history with their current partner, and I get it. If you trust someone, it’s natural to want to talk about what you’ve learned from past relationships and sexual experiences. That said, numbers really aren’t necessary, and rarely do anything aside from making one person feel bad.

But you can’t go back, and his reaction may have provoked an important conversation. After all (and as you well know), this isn’t an issue of who has slept with more people. It’s about his comfort with his past, and it’s about both of you establishing that your needs are being met by this relationship.

First, you have to figure out the problem you’re tackling, because it will change the course of action.

You’re all about the anecdotal, but I have no objection to the idea that in any given individual case their personal ideal may be different.

I’m looking at the situation from a large-scale perspective. On the large scale, late childbearing, where it is a substitute for early childbearing, has significant negative consequences.

Just because there may be one faithful, happy, and healthy homosexual couple out there, doesn’t mean that the practice is a positive one. It just means that in practice there are exceptions to rules. Such is the case here.

Good advice. Men don't leave telltale signs, though I have heard women have such a keen sense of smell, they can tell. Like the line from the old country song "She can feel the other woman all over her man."

Men have it easier; if their fit is tight, their gal is probably true. If it is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, she isn't.

This.

Kinda the opposite for me but having a reputation for discretion and some talent what teenage male would turn away the almost non stop late night knocks on the window by attractive young women who wanted fun without the whole world knowing? I sure as hell didnt

We were not well off financially and getting girls was one of the few things I had a real advantage at.been married a few decades, my wife knows my hisotey and it doesnt bother her in the least as she knows i chose her and have been faithful since

It bespeaks a certain trepidation that will never abate. If she has had several partners that will become apparent, usually fairly soon. If it does not then it is irrelevant, so long as she has had a proper physical since the last one.

Ideally both parties are inexperienced but that is no longer a realistic expectation beyond about 15 years of age. That is why once upon a time girls were married off shortly after puberty and boys at around 16. That practice kept the incidence of disease way down and marriages lasted better and kept the population from declining.

Eastern European women are prettier and >> American women. No contest at all.

American women are fat, entitled, and expect the world. Worst women to marry in the world, which is why our divorce rate is off the charts.

I’d be interested in seeing your sub dimensions. As an econ major, I know that the whole thing could be worked out in a complex formula, and a person really good with formulas could envision the whole thing.

That said, nobody is perfect (well, I’m Catholic, so I should note that I hold that Our Lord and Our Lady are exceptions—but statistically speaking that doesn’t matter). And if you think someone is perfect, you are missing something.

“I’m nearly 50, and never heard one guy, one guy, ever say my wife must be a virgin when we meet.” “I’m 63 and neither have I.”

I've had friends who slept with as many woman as they could - without being very discerning, but when they decided to get married they went for women who were essentially wall flowers. I was at a party with one of them, to which he brought his wife-to-be. We had a few beers, were a distance away from his girl, and I brought up some old stories involving him. He got really nervous, immediately changed the subject, pointed to his girl in the other room, put a finger to his lips and said “ixnay”. He didn't want her to know anything about who he really was, or had been.

I don't care, and don't judge, but I do feel that if you will nail anything that moves, you shouldn't judge women who have had previous experiences.

the whole thing could be worked out in a complex formula

That's essentially what online matchmaking systems do (or pretend to do). I haven't worked out all the dimensions, and it's really academic exercise only for me. But I suggest, for example, that religious preference and how seriously they take it form at least two additional dimensions.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.