I Told My Boyfriend How Many People I’d Slept with…and He Didn’t Like the Answer

“My boyfriend can’t get over how many people I’ve slept with. I shouldn’t have told him, but he pressed me for the info. He was 'nerdy’ for most of high school and college, and just started coming into his own in his mid to late 20s. I have been dating consistently for years, and have had my fair share of hookups and relationships. And while I don’t think my number is crazy at all, he can’t deal with the discrepancy. We’ve been dating for two years and we’re serious. I don’t want to break up. How can I handle this?”

I agree that you probably shouldn’t have told him, but lots of people fall into the trap of discussing their sexual history with their current partner, and I get it. If you trust someone, it’s natural to want to talk about what you’ve learned from past relationships and sexual experiences. That said, numbers really aren’t necessary, and rarely do anything aside from making one person feel bad.

But you can’t go back, and his reaction may have provoked an important conversation. After all (and as you well know), this isn’t an issue of who has slept with more people. It’s about his comfort with his past, and it’s about both of you establishing that your needs are being met by this relationship.

First, you have to figure out the problem you’re tackling, because it will change the course of action.

That’s the number she gave you. It is likely not the number in reality.

Could very well be true. But I never asked for a number to begin with. I never even asked about her history, so I'm not sure why she would bother to bring it up and then lie, but who knows. The point is, though, that she thought the number 10 was embarrassing. Nowadays, a girl who was 24 that only had 10 partners would be considered practically a virgin.

Back in the day, the term “hookup” was not a thing.

Back then, it was called ‘shacking up,’ and was shocking.

Nowadays, if they even bother to get married, it’s ho hum.

Too many young people do not value their bodies and will give themselves away for a dinner, movie, or just for the fun of it. Going into a sexual relationship is much more than an entitlement for a few dollars or hours spent. You run the risk of disease, emotional breakdown, and the future embarrassment of running into a former lover when you are with someone special. And there’s always your reputation. People talk about sexual experiences and many brag. Your loose morals will become known and you will attract the wrong type of suitor. My wife and I raised three daughters, taught them to value their bodies, and encouraged them to become friends, not lovers, with potential suitors. I frequently reminded them that dating is a sham and that it takes time to reveal for a persons true self to be revealed. Today I look with pride at my daughters and sons-in-law knowing that they chose wisely.

I find it somewhat amusing to see conservatives defend the Sexual Revolution like an abused child defends their abuser against a stranger who attempts to intervene.

If one sets their lower nature aside and looks at the big picture, none of those changes have been good for society, and assuming they are now an immutable and permanent standard will lead to erroneous conclusions.

The hypersexualization of Western society has reached such an extreme that the “rebels” of today’s youth are rebelling in the direction of what you call “19th century” standards.

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