Posted on 11/08/2018 4:30:44 AM PST by sodpoodle
Southern Humor
A guy from ALABAMA passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'till she's 14.
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How do you know when you're staying in a MISSISSIPPI hotel?
When you call the front desk and say,
"I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."
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How can you tell if a GEORGIA redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.
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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in ALABAMA to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high school.
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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw in GEORGIA ?
Documentaries!
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Where was the toothbrush invented?
MISSISSIPPI.
If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.
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An ALABAMA State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-65 and says to the driver,
"Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies"Bout wut?"
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Did you hear about the $3 million GEORGIA State Lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
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The governor's mansion in ALABAMA burned down!
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books-poofed up in flames and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.
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A new law was recently passed in MISSISSIPPI.
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
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A guy walks into a bar in GEORGIA and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says,"You ain't from 'round here are ya boy?
"No" replies the man, Im from California.
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya do in California?"
"I'm a taxidermist," said the man.
The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?"
The man says,"I mount animals.
"The bartender hollers to the whole bar..."It's okay boys, he's one of us!
Q
You know why Texas doesnt fall into the Gulf of Mexico?
A
Oklahoma sucks....
(Im from Tahlequah)
Stupid smart phone tried to ruin my joke...
What did the West Virginia gal say when she lost her virginity?
Git offa me deddy yer crushin’ muh Marlboros.
Isn’t everyone?
Did you mean:
What does a Southern divorce and a tornado have in common?
Someone’s gonna lose a trailer.
LOL!
During our 55 year marriage, my wife and I have lived in 5 southern states, some multiple times - pesky bill collectors ya know. One thing that we have found amusing is same border state rivalry jokes are told only the names reversed.
In Alabama: What has eight breasts and four teeth? That would be the night crew at a Georgia Waffle House.
In Georgia: The river that forms the north border with Alabama is in places quite narrow and the favorite fishing spot for two Alabama boys is about 100 yards below a footbridge. All of a sudden rocks start landing in the water right where they a fishing. They see two boys on the opposite bank so one Alabama boy yells, hey Georgia boy, stop throwing rocks because we are fishing over here. A few seconds later ker plunk, ker plunk. Same boy yells, hey Georgia boy what is your name. Boy yells back, my name is Clarence! Alabama boy, well Clarence, throw one more rock and I will come over there and kick your butt. A few seconds and ker plunk, ker plunk. Alabama boy to his buddy, going over and make that Georgia boy wish he hadn’t been born. Only a couple of minutes later he is back and says, we need to move on down river a little bit. His buddy says, thought you were going to kick his butt. Alabama boy says I was, but I ain’t no fool, when I got to the bridge there was a sign that said CLEARANCE 7’ 2’
Bkmk
Instant Rimshot:
http://instantrimshot.com/
Did ya hear about the Aggie that moved from Texas to Oklahoma?
Yeah. He raised the IQ level in BOTH states.
It’s a fact, Jack. In the 40s and 50s, any soda drink was called Coke. Every candy bar was a Hershey. Among the Texas kiddie set, anyway.
Spent a fair amount of time among St. Louis’s Sicilian folks.
This was an oldie even back then:
How can you tell if a helicopter is Italian?
It goes wap, wap, wap, wap...
Yep. Pepsi HQ in Harrison, NY. Coca-Cola HQ in Atlanta. You do the math...
I used to do lots of business in the South. I always smiled when I heard the old timers there call it a co-cola rather than a Coke.
When traveling in south Georgia on business, I made the mistake of calling the nuts peeecan. I was corrected by a sweet elderly southern woman (I knew I was in for it when she started with "Why bless your heart...").
"Honey. A peee can is what you put by your bed at night. A peecon is what you eat"
#36 You might be a redneck if you and your dog use the same tree.....
:)
Why do Clempson fans wear orange?
So they can pick up trash along the side of the roads during the week, then go to the game on Saturday.
It’s generally not advisable to debate southernisms with older southern ladies, as I have known some that see stubbornness as an art form.
Got any ID?
I’m still LMAO
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