Some have rich boyfriends.
Posted on 11/10/2017 2:05:40 AM PST by sodpoodle
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, “What's the story?”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her driver’s license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together!
Just yesterday they took my license away and now today you expect me to show it to you?”
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You're not really a redhead, are you?”
“Well, no,” she said, “I'm actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor said, “Your finger is broken”
KNITTING
A Highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”
“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT'S A SCARF!”
BLONDE ON TIME
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named “Rolex” and one was named “Timex”.
Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
“Helllooooo...! ,” answered the blonde. “They're watchdogs.”
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that all the other girls were using their arms.
..........................
Would blond male jokes be 'racist'?
Blond or Blonde?
Before the grammar/spelling police show up!!!
The words blond and blonde come from the French and follow somewhat the French pattern. Blond (without the e) is used to describe males, mixed gender, or uncertain gender. Blonde refers to women or female gender.
In modern use, blond is sometimes used for female as well as male, but blonde is preferred for female.
No, blond male jokes would not be ‘racist.’ They just wouldn’t be very funny.
They’d mostly have to be “bald” jokes.
Q: Why are there so many blonde jokes?
A: So girls with darker hair have something to do on Saturday nights.
(I’m not blonde or female)
ans. Last years hide and seek champ.
Q: How can you tell that a blonde has done the gardening?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Then there’s this;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXT3Sma4-rg
There’s a song about it,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bO8DjZYiEiU
So this blonde is cruising down the highway when she glances at her gas gauge and sees she is on empty. So she pulls in to the nearest gas station. But, no sooner does she get out the car and slam the door when she sees she has left her keys in the ignition.
She goes into the store, all distraught. However, the guy behind the counter consoles her, saying, ‘Don’t worry, miss, I have a coat hanger. I’ll straighten it out and you can poke it down through the window and unlatch the lock”.
Between tears, she brightens and says “okay, I can do that.”
A few minutes pass, and the guy starts to wonder how she’s doing. He steps up to the door and sees her poking the coat hanger down through the window and the blonde in the passenger seat is saying “No, no, a little to the left, no, a little to the right!”
Love that one.
A blonde called her boyfriend and asked if he would go to her house right away. He saw she had been crying, and was obviously upset.
He asked her why, and she explained she couldn’t do her jigsaw puzzle. He said, “maybe I can help, what is the picture supposed to be?”
She said the picture on the box was a picture of a tiger. That is when she showed him the puzzle pieces laid out on the table, and he said, “put the Frosted Flakes back in the box, we’ll talk later...”
Here’s one of my favorite ones. A man is drowning in the ocean as a shark begins swimming towards him. The man screams and panic “shark! Help!”
A blonde stands on the beach watching all of this in fascination. Finally, the shark reaches a man and eats him. The blonde says boy was he dumb, I knew the shark would not help him.
“mixed gender, or uncertain gender”....
So what is a “mixed gender”? I can understand someone who is not quite certain if they are male or female, it happens pretty regularly (sarc)
Allison, a beautiful blonde woman goes to the doctor.
When the nurse asks the reason for the visit she replies that her stomach hurts and pulls up her blouse to show exactly where the pain is.
The nurse is horrified to see that the patients navel is severely bruised.
She gives the patient a gown, closes the exam room door and hurries to speak to the doctor.
Believing the patient is a victim of assault the nurse hurriedly tells the doctor about the bruising and asks if the police should be called.
The doctor calmly asks if the patient is a tall, slender blonde named Allison.
Stunned the nurse can only nod her head.
The doctor smiles and tells the nurse “the police aren’t needed nurse, the problem is Allison’s new boyfriend is also blonde”.
I have been married twice.
Both times to blondes.
Oh the real life things I could tell if I were the malicious type.
I Just tell people I’m a sucker for punishment!
Two blonds were putting siding up on their house
when one noticed the other was throwing away
half the nails. So she asked her why and the
other replied that half of them had the head
on the wrong end.
Oh don’t be silly the other replied those go
on the other side of the house!
Badink.
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were at the
obstatrician’s when the brunette said, “I’m going to
have a boy because I was on top all the time”.
At this the redhead said she was going to have a girl
because she was on the bottom all the time.
At this the blonde burst out sobbing.
The brunette and redhead tried to comfort her to
no avail, till the blonde sobbed out...
“I’m going to have PUPPIES!”.
That reminds me of the Craigslist ad Joe Biden posted after he left the Vice Presidency. He was selling a puzzle that he couldn’t figure out. Comes with both pieces.
Some have rich boyfriends.
Fortunately, another blond comes up at that moment across the river.
The first blond yells "Hey! How do I get to the other side of the river?"
The second blond yells back.......
"You're already on the other side of the river!"
How can you tell if a secretary is really blonde?
Her monitor will have whiteout on it.
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. They got off the freeway and went down the exit ramp. They saw a sign that said “Disneyland left’. So they turned around and went home.
I guess that’s a California Blonde joke.
A blonde, Sally, and redhead, Betty, are walking back to the office from lunch.
Betty says, “Oh no” and tells her friend to hurry along.
Out of breath, Sally is concerned, “What’s the matter?”
“Well, I just saw my boyfriend buying two dozen roses in the florists. I was looking forward to a good book and hot bath. I don’t want to spend the evening with my legs in the air.”
“Uh, you don’t have a vase?”
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.