Posted on 07/10/2017 3:58:33 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Sixteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs Instead of Wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
4. Dogs' parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell them.
11. When you drop "a silent one", dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.
12. You can sterilize your dogs without their consent.
13. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick them.
14. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.
15. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
And last, but not least:
16. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.
Seenager
I just discovered my age group!
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50-60 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store.
I like the wine store best.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant,they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?
And I don’t have acne.
Life is Good!
Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.
People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing
as it puts pressure on your inner ear.
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.
It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.
SO THERE!!
I have more friends I should send this to,
but right now I can’t remember their names.
So, please forward this to your friends;
they may be my friends, too.
The wedding .....
A father texts his son:
“My Dear Son, Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.
Your Father.”
His Son texts back:
“Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn’t actually until tomorrow!”
His Father replies:
“I know.”
Technology is a wonderful thing!!
Isn’t this the truth... some of us are getting old at the right time....... for example
Dearest Dad,
I am coming home to get married soon, so get your check book out.
I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me.
As you know, I am in Australia ... and he lives in Scotland.
We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook ,
had long chats on Whatsapp.
He proposed to me on Skype,
and now we’ve had two months of a relationship through Viber.
My beloved and favorite Dad,
I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.
Lots of love and thanks.
Your favorite daughter,
Lilly
THE RESPONSE
My Dear Lilly,
Like Wow! Really? Cool! and a big whatever ......
I suggest you two get married on Twitter,
have fun on Tango,
buy your kids on Amazon,
and pay for it all through PayPal.
And when you get fed up with this new husband,
sell his sorry ass on eBay!
Love,
Your Dad
Great way to start the day.
Thanks.
Dogs are a very special species. Most people never come to realize or appreciate just how special they are.
"Are you gonna be a man and do it tonight, or are you gonna be a mouse and wait till tomorrow night?"
Future son-in-law:
"I guess I'm a rat, sir. I did it last night!"
Legend has it that soon after Creation, the earth was torn in two. Man was on one side of the chasm, all the animals on the other. Only the dog tried to find a way across to join the man. He tried to jump the huge abyss but only his forepaws reached the far edge. Man reached down and pulled him to safety, saying, “You shall be my companion forever.”…..Indian legend
Funny...
so true
May this be borrowed ?
Good question - I say yes’)
I copy & post jokes and other material from emails circulated by a dear friend. Don’t know if there are any copyright issues - have not been cautioned by anyone- YET:0
Dear Mother and Dad:
It has been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down, okay.
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed by now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those headaches once a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump was witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the Fire Dept. and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It’s really a basement room, but it’s kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven’t set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes, mother and dad, I am pregnant. I know how very much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into the family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know that your oft-expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told his father is an important gunbearer in the village in Africa from which he comes.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you there was no dormitory fire; I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture; I was not in the hospital; I am not pregnant; I am not engaged. I do not have syphillis, and there is no Negro in my life. However, I am getting a D in sociology and an F in science; and I wanted you to see these marks in proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
Brutal!!!!
Dogs don't care if you want to site on your balcony enjoying the view of the fjords smoking a cigar and sipping some Bourbon.ML/NJDogs don't care if you paid fifty cents more for something when you wanted it instead of waiting two hours for someone who might sell it cheaper.
I am not afraid of tomorrow,... for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
Noah’s Ark : Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah’s Ark.
ONE: Don’t miss the boat.
TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat!
THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
FOUR: Stay fit.. When you’re 80 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
FIVE: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
SIX: Build your future on high ground.
SEVEN: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
EIGHT: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
NINE: When you’re stressed, float awhile.
TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
ELEVEN: No matter the storm, there’s always a rainbow waiting. Please pass this on to people you want to be blessed. Give it. . . don’t just get it! Most people walk in and out of your life, but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.
LOL
A father is carrying the contents of his daughter’s bedroom out of the house and chucking them on the curb, making a large & growing pile.
His neighbor asks, “What are you doing that for?”
The father replies that his daughter came home from college last week to visit. She announced, “Daddy, I want you to meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We’re going to work for the Hillary campaign together!”
Neighbor: “Oh.”
People who don’t appreciate how wonderful dogs are have never had one.
Had some wonderful pups. They all still live in my heart!
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