Posted on 05/28/2016 6:15:02 PM PDT by blueunicorn6
It was just here. I was using it a couple of days ago to dig a fighting position, and now it's gone.
It was probably them darn thieving squirrels who stole it again. They use it to bury walnuts. Thieving squirrels. Can't get a job like everyone else. Just steal, steal, steal. I chopped down a tree that had some kind of squirrel condo in it and you know what I found? A 1966 Ford Mustang. A convertible. What the heck does a squirrel do with a convertible? Drive in parades with the town beauty queen? And they always want a red car. The squirrels I mean. The beauty queens want a mansion with six bathrooms and a home gym on beachfront property. Probably cheaper to marry a squirrel.
I've had that shovel for forever. It has a wood handle. Gave me a splinter once that was like a foot long. The splinter was so big you could use it to kill a vampire by driving it through his heart. I don't know how it got a steering wheel to drive it, but there you are. My Dad gave me that shovel. I think he got it from his Dad. It was a, what do you call them, hairloom? I think Grandpa used it to dig a mine. He had a cat mine. Dug up some of the best Persians you ever saw. He thought he hit a vein of Norwegian Forest cats one time, but it turned out to just be some low grade alley cat ore.
Now I'll have to go to one of those "Big Box Hardware Stores" and see about getting another shovel. I'll ask the guy with the vest where the shovels are and he'll send me over to the toilet aisle. Do you know they have toilets with stereos in them? I swear! Stereos. I wonder what the best music is for that? Prelude And Flush In B Flat? I wonder what other accessories you can get? Maybe one of those emergency stop camera systems. Turn the camera on in a bathroom and just about everyone will stop.Did you see about the guy in Thailand who was going to the bathroom and a snake bit him on his, ummmm, "private parts". Every guy around the world who read that story grimaced and said, "Youch!" That's why you should always have a mongoose in your bathroom. They also come in handy if you run out of toilet paper. Makes em mean though. But I prefer an angry mongoose over a laid-back one when it comes to fighting with snakes that want to bite your ding dong.
Wait a minute. I remember now. The neighbor borrowed my shovel. I think he's looking for his Mustang convertible. Filthy, stinking kleptomaniac squirrels. I thought they liked Camaros. Now, where's my electric paintbrush?
The brown acid is bad, man.
Is this an opus?
Matthew fuller wrote:
“Is this an opus?”
Opus? No, bill the cat walked on blueunicorn’s keyboard....
Me too!!
“A 1966 Ford Mustang. A convertible. What the heck does a squirrel do with a convertible? Drive in parades with the town beauty queen?”
No silly. They put low-pro gangsta wheels on it, polish it up real fine and find a 400lb. ‘queen’ in a thong to twerk out the window while they ride down the strip of Myrtle Beach to honor the fallen dead on Memorial Weekend.
No Murder Involved: Vancouver Crow Steals Knife From Crime Scene
http://freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3434855/posts
shovels— they’re right there and if they were a snake they’d have bit you
My squirrels plant stuff in the flower pots. the shovel I have was bought new because my grandfathers shovel had the point rounded and was hard to dig with.
Of course I always apply bees wax to all my too l handles in case I leave them out in the rain. When I moved to washington DC, a colleague took me to lunch oned day in his new ‘64 mustang convertible. It was white and had red interior. It also had air conditioning. I couldn’t figure out why you needed air conditioning in a convertible. I can’t remember what we had for lunch
Of course the squirrels are one thing but the chipmunks are something of a problem. one comes in the house. He’s ok in my office by insists on running the full length of the House to the bath room. I,have no clue what he finds there. After a few minutes he comes right back and leaves. I don’t really mind but it drives my wife crazy
The small hole I dug yesterday with the well waxed shovel handle produced a hearts bursting with love that my wife plated. It was in the ground and not in the new pot bought for the 15 year old Jade plant that was not doing at all well in the old pot
Ooooow good one.
Once I started taking a hoe off rack in garage. Looked again it was a large black snake hanging down So the snake was left to do her mousing!
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