Posted on 12/27/2015 2:27:50 PM PST by huckfillary
Juniata College, a small liberal arts college nestled in the hills of south-central Pennsylvania, has become the first college in the United States to order the removal of every urinal from campus. The vote by the college Board of Trustees was unanimous. The change was in response to an intense years-long campaign by a little-known, militant feminist group called Chicks Against Dicks (CAD). The group employed numerous tactics including petitions, lawsuits, and the occasional smashing of functioning campus urinals. Juniata President James A. Troha, androgynous but not transgender, was giddy over the vote. In remarks delivered breathelessly, Troha said, “Urinals are an insult to women everywhere. We will not rest until every urinal on the planet is destroyed or removed. I would especially like to thank CAD President Soren Cavendish whose ceaseless efforts carried the day. Because of her efforts, urinals will soon be relegated to museums and socially backward institutions.†Aside from the obvious political infractions associated with urinals and standing to pee, Roy Nagle, Juniata Director of Environmental Hygiene, cited numerous threats to public health by standing to pee. “When men stand to pee,†Nagle said, “they are oblivious to the fact that they are depositing drops of urine, biological microagressions, which may infect anyone within a determined range. Not all, but many women also find the smell of male urine offensive. Urinal cakes, evenm jasmine, are only so effective.†Signicantly, the vote requires, after the removal of the urinals, another vote which would require all males on campus to sit down to urinate. CAD President Cavendish reserved her harshest remarks for the centuries-old practice of men standing to pee. According to Cavendish, “There is nothing more painful to a woman, even more than sexual assault, than the thought of a man standing to pee. It is repulsive and repugnant. No one should be allowed to stand to pee. It is an anatomically-endowed privilege. We will not stop until this odious practice is relegated to the trash cans of history.†To enforce the new restroom codes, men’s room volunteers would issue citations to men caught in the act of standing to pee. First offenders would be required to attend urination reform classes, in which men would taught how to sit to pee. Secondly offenders would suffer the loss of meal swipes.
They will insist that toilets are on automatic timers and flush only once per hour — maybe.
==
But that raises the question: why do they even have toilets? Why not tear them out too and return to the gender-neutral out-houses of yesteryear?
If they take away the urinals how will all the feminists pee???
obozo’s Sec. Navy has ordered all new Navy carriers to be built without urinals. Effective Jul 11, 2012
This is not satire.
Assuming they use unisex bathrooms (I didn’t read the whole thing),if I was a student or staff member there I’d leave the seat down and aim just as good as I can.
How big are the Sails on those suckers?
Will men still have to leave the seat up?
Kinda weak, as far as parody goes.
And I have miles to go before I sleep.
Oh ok. I thought it was a college for Mexicans.
Not sure, but o doesn’t want to intimidate the female crewmembers.
Suck it, biotch.
UC Santa Barbara. Freshman. The first time I ever drank I got blitzed with a 6-pack of stout malt liquor. Seventh floor balcony of San Miguel Hall. You can guess what happened next.
Ovomit is as intimidating as President Bush’s Scottie, unless you’re a Republican in Congress that is.
Yes, satire and completely made up. And I would also add that the real Juniata College is not exactly in the "rolling hills of south-central" Pennsylvania. I live in south central PA - York. Harrisburg and points south, east and west of Harribug; Dauphin, Cumberland, Adams, York, Lebanon, Berks and Lancaster, maybe even Perry counties are considered "south central". Junita and the State College area which is not far from Junita are considered "mid-state" or "central" PA and the natives of those areas are often referred to as Pensyltuckians" - LOL!
Old English 800, the official drink of Projectile Vomiting.
Can I ask a stupid question? If one has a long wanker, how does one sit without folding it into a pretzel to avoid getting it wet?
Sit on the tank and pee down into the bowl. While you are there, do a “upper decker”..
Fine as long has they make a rule that women aren’t hover.
Chicks can learn to pee standing up.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.