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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: null and void

Ah. well, ummm, I clicked on the thread title and got the first page instead of the last....


9,761 posted on 06/21/2016 7:13:47 AM PDT by null and void (Hillary Milhouse Clinton: I'm not a c-c-c-crook! Crook! Yeah, that's the c-word I was looking for!)
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To: All; y'all; no one in particular

My bid on a house was accepted!


9,762 posted on 06/21/2016 7:14:48 AM PDT by null and void (Hillary Milhouse Clinton: I'm not a c-c-c-crook! Crook! Yeah, that's the c-word I was looking for!)
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To: Tax-chick

In a few minutes, I’ll be leaving to get the tires rotated.

And the weather prognosticators lied. They said it was clear, but when I went out to open the clubhouse, it was mostly cloudy, though I saw a beautiful moon, slightly obscured by wispy clouds. It was really beautiful.

Jeepers. Less than two weeks left in June. I finally got an appointment with my primary care doctor, but it’s not until the end of July. That’s OK because my fasting blood draw is the 16th of July, so she will have new information on me.

When I get back from having the tires rotated, I will see what kind of neatness I can commit around here. It shouldn’t take too long at Discount Tire, so I won’t be too washed out. I’ll take something to read, anyway.


9,763 posted on 06/21/2016 7:37:13 AM PDT by Monkey Face ("Mom, when you die, they should donate your body to science fiction." -- Hockeybughow)
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To: null and void

YAY, NULLY!!! WOOT!

:o])


9,764 posted on 06/21/2016 7:42:42 AM PDT by Monkey Face ("Mom, when you die, they should donate your body to science fiction." -- Hockeybughow)
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To: null and void

Terrific news!


9,765 posted on 06/21/2016 7:48:01 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
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To: Monkey Face

I lost 4 lbs. in the last two weeks. Yay, me!

For my next trick, I’ll have lunch, and then take James to the dentist.

I’m very tired today. I should work on cleaning my closet. I had Tom get the old baby playpen out last weekend to donate to the missions yard sale, and he left everything in a mess.


9,766 posted on 06/21/2016 7:49:21 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
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To: Tax-chick

YAY, you!

While I was at Discount Tire, Oscar the Grouch took my parking spot, but I’ll wait until he leaves for breakfast in the morning and take it back! LOL! He is such a rude person. His expression always looks like he was weaned on a pickle.

I will go have a breathing treatment, and then I will do dishes. Finally. I mean, I finally have enough to warrant filling the sink for.

For some reason, every time I tell the folks at Discount to rotate the spare, they look at me in surprise and ask, “You want the SPARE rotated?” *sheesh*

Although I didn’t get much at Wally’s today, I got the important stuff — soup and Alfredo sauce. Hahaha!


9,767 posted on 06/21/2016 8:41:37 AM PDT by Monkey Face ("Mom, when you die, they should donate your body to science fiction." -- Hockeybughow)
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To: null and void

Yay!


9,768 posted on 06/21/2016 9:38:55 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment. I)
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To: null and void; ArGee
the next mahdi won’t be born of a woman.

Ok then. A goat maybe?

9,769 posted on 06/21/2016 9:40:56 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment. I)
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To: Monkey Face

I just got back from the dentist with James. While he was being cleaned, I got some two-for-one food items. I also got Bill some beer, in return for which he will grill chicken later. He’s less likely to burn it than Tom ... I think Tom just likes char.

Now I’m going to lie down and wait for a cat.


9,770 posted on 06/21/2016 10:12:42 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
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To: null and void

Well, nully, it took six months. but you gave me an explanation!

Seriously, I had never heard of the Killers, or this song “Somebody Told Me”. It has 79.25 million views on Youtube, with over 18,000 comments. And some of the group’s songs have double that.

From only 2004 too.

Thanks!


9,771 posted on 06/21/2016 10:47:13 AM PDT by exit82 (Road Runner sez:" Let's Make America Beeping Great Again! Beep! Beep!")
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To: Tax-chick

Glad you liked it TC.
Hungerford Church is located right on the banks of the K&A Canal.
The walk to it from the Modern town centre is lined with Horse Chestnut trees ,a beautiful walk in Spring.
Will get some picture of them....one day. :)


9,772 posted on 06/21/2016 11:12:52 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Covenantor

” I haz Sensors where Humaz don’t even have places.”


9,773 posted on 06/21/2016 11:15:05 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: null and void

Congratulations.
I hope it is what you where looking for. :). (South Fork)


9,774 posted on 06/21/2016 11:22:09 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: null and void

And here I am, thinking how much I want to buy a house, and I’m faced with $1300-$1500 for everything I need to even make a bid.

Still, I’m very happy for you! You will have to send pics! (I’m happy for anyone who gets to buy a house!)


9,775 posted on 06/21/2016 12:10:17 PM PDT by Monkey Face ("Mom, when you die, they should donate your body to science fiction." -- Hockeybughow)
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To: moose07

That is such a gorgeous church, Moosie. Thanks for posting the pic. :o]


9,776 posted on 06/21/2016 12:11:12 PM PDT by Monkey Face ("Mom, when you die, they should donate your body to science fiction." -- Hockeybughow)
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To: Tax-chick

Did a cat ever show up?

I’m getting very tired, but I want to stay up until I can get the food I fixed down to Charlie.

This is the day that he went to the store, and I’m not sure when he gets back. He has a microwave, so he can reheat it. The meat was quite tender, and I was happy with the way it turned out. MUCH better than the last time I tried to fix both types.

And I bought some Pillsbury Grands biscuits, and they are excellent! I was surprised. I remember as a kid, sometimes, we would get biscuits with butter and syrup for supper, and we thought that was great, just like when we had cinnamon rolls for supper.

It was only after I had left home that I realized those meals were because my mother was feeding seven people on next to nothing, and we were out of food.


9,777 posted on 06/21/2016 12:18:17 PM PDT by Monkey Face ("Mom, when you die, they should donate your body to science fiction." -- Hockeybughow)
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To: Monkey Face

No cat. Jake has been in Elen’s bed. I suppose I’ll have to wash her sheets in August, before she comes back. Shannon is on the sunroom floor, dreaming of a full food bowl. Bill is trying to have her diet again.

I think I slept a little.


9,778 posted on 06/21/2016 12:25:28 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
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To: null and void
Cat's milk is bad for baby squirrels. Dog's milk is OK.

I don't think I'm ever going to need this information, but one never knows what life will bring.

9,779 posted on 06/21/2016 12:31:09 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Estos sufrimientos pasaran, y la esperanza una salida marcara." ~ Abp. Romero)
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To: Monkey Face

You’re most welcome ,’Face.
:)


9,780 posted on 06/21/2016 12:45:27 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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