Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
I hope you have a good night too.
Me, too. Our two red TN cats were a doorstep gift. Our two blonde Phoenix cats were the result of stalking by a goofy pointer-setter. He kept finding litters and pointed at them so much that they lost their fear of dogs—not a good thing on some of those mean Phx streets. Speaking of Phx, I just read an article about the five hottest days recorded there. We were there for four of them. No wonder I felt like a raisin.
Milk and pork cause gastric events in our seventeen-pound cat, but it’s probably a function of ingested volume. He’s like a feline version of Pacman.
It’s not me: it’s the little boys and Sally. Vlad and Frank swam from 8:00 to 9:00, and Sally, Pat, and James from 9:00 to 10:00. Tomorrow they’ll all go in the evening because I have Weight Watchers in the morning, and the in the morning again on Wednesday.
Cow’s milk disagrees with many cats, but at least the people were trying.
I like that!
I’ve just been on the phone with Sally’s suitor, rejiggering the transportation arrangements for their date. (Bill is going to drive her to the movie theater, now.) A thoughtful youth, concerned with saving his mother unnecessary driving. Samuel Adams, I mean, not Bill. He’s doing it for pay because buying high-test gas for the BMW is going to break him.
Just because....
It’s beautiful!
Your tagline: At first, I thought it meant, "This suffering will pass; and then we have the hope of salty mascara." This is the combination of mature vision and nobody to practice Spanish with. Have a great day!
I didn’t intend to denigrate their efforts. Anybody who’s nice to cats is AOK.
I understand.
I’ve come up with things as bad as “hope for salty mascara.” That reminds me of P.J. O’Rourke’s saying he thought “Todo sera major” meant “Major dried toads.”
Also, I found my car keys: they were buried in my purse!
Sending up appreciation re: car keys!
Have a great day!
That would make me happy: we're always short of socks.
I hope you have a great day, too. Mine is looking up now that I know where my keys are ...
Wow. They must be feeding that kitteh some kind of special antennae-growth supplements.
Now it can hear the cab opener from down the block.
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