Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 8,821-8,8408,841-8,8608,861-8,880 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Tax-chick

Phonetics, eh..

That’s also so 19th century. Nowadays we are so much further advanced that all we need do is look at a word and we instantly grasp both its proper pronunciation and its correct definition. I mean, who needs that ‘a as in apple’ stuff anyway.

I mean, it’s a whole language thing.

Or maybe that’s ‘hole’..

..as in where that should be buried.


8,841 posted on 05/28/2016 8:41:13 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8826 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Yes. As Olde English is related to English. Distantly. ;-)

I was thankful I never had to wade through Beowulf.


8,842 posted on 05/28/2016 8:52:13 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8840 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz

Heh. “Who’s to be master, words or you?”

What are you doing up at this hour? Me, I’m too angry to sleep. I have teenagers.


8,843 posted on 05/28/2016 8:53:20 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8841 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz
I love Beowulf. It's about honor and death. We have a side-by-side edition, Anglo-Saxon and the modern English translation by Seamus Heaney.
8,844 posted on 05/28/2016 8:54:38 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8842 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; NoCmpromiz
"I have teenagers."

I used to have teenagers. They grew up.

But they still act the same.

8,845 posted on 05/28/2016 9:02:27 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8843 | View Replies]

To: NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz
But they still act the same.

Oh, great.

I'm evaluating my options for making their lives miserable, in their best interests of course. I should just blow it off and go to sleep, but I'm too angry.

8,846 posted on 05/28/2016 9:05:00 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8845 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick
What are you doing up at this hour?

I'm attempting to finish up the music for tomorrow.

That plus the grandkids are here and in a tent out back (not Outback® which is not out back). They are supposedly quiet but I have been forced to threaten bodily harm, mayhem, and tanned assets if I catch any of them outside the tent again.

Since the angry Grandpa Bear went fuming out the door last (and observed bodies diving for cover into the tent and hurriedly zipping the tent flap) all has been quiet and I have finished the music stuff.

Now I must venture out to see if I can coax the final feline into coming indoors for the night. I'm sure the noise and mayhem from the grandkids has sent her into hiding..

THEN I can go to bed.

8,847 posted on 05/28/2016 10:48:57 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8843 | View Replies]

To: moose07

The resplendent Vale of Belvoir with Belvoir castle presiding from the hilltop.

See, now this is a perfect example of an arena in which the American continent simply cannot compete. Traverse this country far and wide and you’ll find matchless landscapes ever bit as beautiful as this, but nowhere on this side of the Atlantic do there exist buildings — living, inhabited architectural time machines quite like this. Yes, there are some stately buildings on this continent that are quite old, but nothing like this; the foundations of Belvoir date back to the 13th Century, for crying out loud!

Marvellous!


8,848 posted on 05/28/2016 11:32:54 PM PDT by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8801 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face; moose07; NicknamedBob; Tax-chick; Anoreth; ArGee; ColdOne; ...

“The three R’s are so 19th century...”

Well, I hardly dare put it in print, but...what with all of the time I now spend at the keyboard, I confess that my own penmanship has descended to a rather deplorable level. I actually forced myself to abandon my long-held personal handwriting style, and go back to using the standard cursive I learned in grade school just to re-train my brain and fingers how to work together properly with a pen.


8,849 posted on 05/28/2016 11:41:35 PM PDT by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8817 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

“Me, I’m too angry to sleep. I have teenagers.”

Aye, that’s trouble, but ne’er so pernicious as a belligerent senior on the edge of dementia. Independence awakening sets no fire in the spirit to match the inferno it unleashes as it slips away through the curtain of incomprehension.


8,850 posted on 05/28/2016 11:59:23 PM PDT by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8843 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07; HKMk23
Holiday dream motoring the best way....zoomies.

click link below for video<

Morgan Plus 8 Speedster - Limited Edition of only 60

Top down unless weather has a name

8,851 posted on 05/29/2016 3:15:26 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8850 | View Replies]

To: HKMk23

I suppose that does put it into perspective.


8,852 posted on 05/29/2016 3:45:02 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8850 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor
unless weather has a name

Bonnie.

8,853 posted on 05/29/2016 3:46:51 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8851 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

8,854 posted on 05/29/2016 3:49:18 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8853 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; SandyInSeattle

8,855 posted on 05/29/2016 3:51:22 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8854 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

...and they call the wind Maria

except maybe in southern California, there it’s Wendy

;>)


8,856 posted on 05/29/2016 3:51:41 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8853 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor

LOL!

It’s raining a bit here. Also, there’s a high-pitched electrical whine coming from north of us, as if someone’s home alarm went off a day ago and is still trying, or someone’s a/c compressor is in the last throes of Seized Up.


8,857 posted on 05/29/2016 3:54:14 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8856 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

8,858 posted on 05/29/2016 4:15:12 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8854 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick
...Also, there’s a high-pitched electrical whine coming from north of us...

umm... Is Lake Norman in that direction from your abode?

Geiger counter all ready?

8,859 posted on 05/29/2016 4:16:27 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8857 | View Replies]

To: moose07

What happens when Big Water exempts itself from dry cleaner bag warnings.


8,860 posted on 05/29/2016 4:18:24 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8858 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 8,821-8,8408,841-8,8608,861-8,880 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson