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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

-00.

And yes, I like zinnias.


8,701 posted on 05/25/2016 1:54:23 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

Ok...I will mail them tomorrow!


8,702 posted on 05/25/2016 2:16:17 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face
"I took DP to get his truck from the shop. It had major surgery."

My truck went into the shop today too. Ol' Man Winter did a snowplow on my exhaust system, and it's taken until now to get the rest of the fleet navigable so that I could get the muffler repairs.

Now it's running quietly again, so I guess I'm ready for them to send me to the emissions station.

Happy happy joy joy.

8,703 posted on 05/25/2016 2:36:52 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

I’m grateful that Mr Bill is still running well. But then, I don’t do much driving, these days. ;o]

I would love to take a short trip to St. George, but I don’t know how my truck will do on those hills between here and Bunkerville, and then the Slot Canyon, which is all uphill on the way TO Utah.

So I need to see if a gasoline additive will improve the mileage and maybe the performance, as well. After that, I may check out St G.

I need to go get the tires rotated, and I also need a lube job and oil change done on it. It’s getting close to 2,000 miles between, so it’s time.


8,704 posted on 05/25/2016 2:47:10 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face

AND. I’m off to bed!


8,705 posted on 05/25/2016 2:49:59 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face

Hope you have a good night! I just got the last batch home from swimming. I’m about ready to crash, but I need to hang in another half hour or so until Kathleen and Frank can be sent to bed.


8,706 posted on 05/25/2016 4:49:11 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

Sweet kitty!


8,707 posted on 05/25/2016 7:48:10 PM PDT by Not A Snowbird (Being a person is getting too complicated. Time to be a unicorn.)
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It is 0108.

The last of our outdoor furbeasts FINALLY chose to come home.

Since this one is usually in shortly after dark, and there was a lone coy-o-tay in the northeast field howling at the moon earlier (shortly before dark..) there was a bit of concern.


8,708 posted on 05/25/2016 10:10:26 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Jake was on the doorstep in a snit this morning. The overnight people were supposed to get him in.


8,709 posted on 05/26/2016 2:50:08 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Good Morning Kitten has recently picked up a number of posters in Asia. This one lives in Jakarta, Indonesia.

8,710 posted on 05/26/2016 2:52:44 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: SandyInSeattle

How’s it going, Sandy? Did you lose power yesterday?


8,711 posted on 05/26/2016 2:53:10 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

“The overnight people ...” — people who are just visiting this time zone.


8,712 posted on 05/26/2016 5:15:56 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Or this space-time continuum.


8,713 posted on 05/26/2016 5:27:53 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: NoCmpromiz

*whew* she said.

I’m glad the kitteh found its way home. I would have been apprehensive, too, hearing to coy-o-tay howling at the moon.

We see them mostly in the early mornings. here.


8,714 posted on 05/26/2016 5:30:24 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face

Jake is having extreme sunbeam happiness now. He’ll probably sleep all day. Like, you know, a nocturnal carnivorous predator ...


8,715 posted on 05/26/2016 5:32:03 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

I had a white cat with a right angle in his tail so it resembled a walking cane. Rightfully, we named him “Oddball.”

He also had mental problems. Poor fluffy.


8,716 posted on 05/26/2016 5:32:11 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face

Sometimes kittehs have inbred.


8,717 posted on 05/26/2016 5:38:49 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; moose07
A good morning swim...


8,718 posted on 05/26/2016 5:47:57 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Looks pleasant!


8,719 posted on 05/26/2016 5:54:06 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

Yes, that what I thought when I realized he truly was an oddball. He had special needs that I wasn’t equipped to deal with, having not been around kittehs like that.

So we took him to a shelter that did special needs, only.


8,720 posted on 05/26/2016 5:55:23 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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