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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

She has always had a very fine voice. I love hearing her sing. But I have none of her albums.

I finally got my energy assistance approval letter today. It’s down $23 from last year. That means I have to pay $3 more per month. And their formula has changed, as well. It looks like I should use more A/C this summer...

My daughter is taking me to brunch tomorrow, after I get home from church. She is very slow when it comes to weekends. :o| (And I was up at 0340 this morning!

The last loaf of rye bread I bought, had something really strange on it, that I had never seen before. I emailed them and told them about it, and they sent me three coupons worth $7! Yay, me! Two weeks ago I told Ghirardelli how much I liked their dark chocolate syrup, and got a coupon for a free bottle of it! :o]


8,181 posted on 05/14/2016 11:31:50 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Tax-chick

Tylenol also messes with your liver. I used to take the stuff, and quit as soon as I found out what it was doing to my liver, and now, I take milk thistle to help reverse the damage. It’s slow, but there is progress. The liver numbers are much better than they were six years ago.


8,182 posted on 05/14/2016 11:34:21 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick

I figure that anything which starts out with people gnawing on trees because of the pain in their head is not likely to lead to anything worse.


8,183 posted on 05/14/2016 11:43:26 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Tax-chick

unfortunately ,Yes.


8,184 posted on 05/14/2016 11:46:09 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: NicknamedBob

There’s a healthy thought...


8,185 posted on 05/14/2016 11:50:33 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Tax-chick

Is he aware of the issue?
It is possible to compensate sometimes.
Larium has been my issue for the last twenty years.


8,186 posted on 05/14/2016 11:51:13 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: NicknamedBob; Monkey Face; Tax-chick
...gnawing on trees because of the pain in their head ...

Does this explain the actions of Beavers?

8,187 posted on 05/14/2016 11:53:13 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07
"Does this explain the actions of Beavers?"

Nothing explains the actions of beavers.

8,188 posted on 05/14/2016 12:03:40 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob; moose07
Nothing explains the actions of beavers.

Exactly.

They dam if you do, and dam if you don't...

8,189 posted on 05/14/2016 1:10:58 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07; NicknamedBob; Monkey Face

On the other hand, it could be genetic. I don’t actually recall his using much Tylenol.

Stuffed peppers and pork loin are in the oven.


8,190 posted on 05/14/2016 1:43:53 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Stuffed mini peppers were a hit. The voracious horde can go collapse again until the pork roast is ready.


8,191 posted on 05/14/2016 2:13:57 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

That sounds so very good!

I’m worn out from my morning of swapping winter for summer, and distressed because I don’t have enough pants to last two weeks, between washings. *sigh*

That’s discouraging.

So in a bit I’ll look for something to eat, then take my silly self to bed. The early reveille was not my intention when I went to bed last night.


8,192 posted on 05/14/2016 2:18:43 PM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Tax-chick

I’ll have yogurt for “supper,” for lack of anything else.


8,193 posted on 05/14/2016 2:19:42 PM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face

I hope you have a good night! I have only two pairs of pants, other than my Scout uniform and Anoreth’s old CG uniform. Well, three counting my Pakistani outfit. I almost always wear a skirt.


8,194 posted on 05/14/2016 2:21:43 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

I wear skirts for church, but pants the rest of the time. Old habits die hard...I grew up wearing Levis, before they began using zippers. ;o]


8,195 posted on 05/14/2016 2:47:38 PM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face

The only time I wanted to wear jeans was in high school, and my mother wouldn’t let me!


8,196 posted on 05/14/2016 2:51:58 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

When we were growing up, the Levis were $2.50 a pair, they were durable and usually one pair would last each of us about a year. It was basically a matter of economics. They were affordable and durable.


8,197 posted on 05/14/2016 3:00:35 PM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face

My mother shopped at the Navy Relief yard sale. Russ and I wore some astonishing (in retrospect) outfits!


8,198 posted on 05/14/2016 3:01:21 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

LOL!

We were pretty land locked, and I don’t recall yard sales. There WERE, however, thrift stores, and we always had fun in there!

I’m going to take my pills in a bit, then grab a yogurt and head for bed.

I’ll see you all in the morning!


8,199 posted on 05/14/2016 3:04:28 PM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick

Since n0b0dy’s watching.


8,200 posted on 05/14/2016 3:07:15 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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