Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
I’m going to sit out with the peeps for a bit. My stomach is churning. I dunno what’s going on.
Anyway, now I have to try and reconstruct all the websites I had in my Favorites.
So sorry I have been AWOL. Work’s bubbled over something fierce the last few days.
Glad you got your toaster-oven back.
We did tell you that’s what Dell makes, right? A digital toaster-oven that runs on Windows.
Now I have to try to find the place where I can delete the Administrator. It’s interfering with my downloading stuff. I didn’t know until after I got it running again that they didn’t restore it to factory settings, so I could have left my Favorites alone. *sheesh*
Actually, I learned first hand that Dell makes garbage and sells it as something legitimate. “Toaster” is to dignified.
I love my toaster. It is from General Electric.
Sally, Pat, and James are starting their end of year tests. Vlad will have to wait until Kathleen falls asleep.
My sister is pushing us to visit her a few short hours away. That wouldn’t be a vacation even though it’s close.
I have no idea why this sudden full-court press.
I haven’t been able to up my lift since Indiana.
I may not get it back.
I’m pining for the Republic.
I don’t know what brand my toaster is; it was given to me by my SiL when I was between places to live.
It toasts, and that’s all I need!
I was talking about your Dell toaster.
Because it apparently doesn’t browse the interwebs.
Stolen..
Well..
They kinda did. ;-)
It didn’t until I was able to bypass the Admin lock.
(Tim Taylor voice) “Ohno!” Somehow, I installed Google Chrome! GAH!!!
Is that what you called Dell about?
Any teenager in the area could have gotten you past it.
I understand that’s how the Fibbies got into that iPhone. One of them took it home and told his kid, “Whatever you do, don’t look at what’s on this phone.”
It was cracked in about 25 minutes, I hear.
That’s how I got it.
;>)
I don’t have a teenager in the house, or even in the neighborhood.
And some days my brain functions, and some days it doesn’t. So it took the Not-Teenager at Dell an hour to figure out the problem.
I am not inclined to count this as a vacation but I needed to do it.
My Grandma is getting very frail and I am worried that this might be the last time I will see her.
Which is why I did it.
The last few months of my other grandma's life I drove down every other week (six hours each way) to see her. I never regretted it even though it ate up a lot of time and energy.
Works better on bagels.
Clippy's Six monthly Airing. :)
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