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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

ME!!!


7,501 posted on 04/28/2016 12:16:46 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face

Yes.

Now I’m going to get in bed with Jake and whine.


7,502 posted on 04/28/2016 12:17:17 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Monkey Face

Good Afternoon Face.
If they occur again tonight I’ll take a picture, just couldn’t be bothered last night. Sometimes entering a four digit pin is just to much. Duh ! :)


7,503 posted on 04/28/2016 12:20:32 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Monkey Face

Looks like you’ve gone an got it there!


7,504 posted on 04/28/2016 12:22:15 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

If you use it then it counts as an approved word, will endeavour to exercise it sometime. :)

Natural ice sculpture is beautiful.
Unless it is holding the doors on the Car shut.


7,505 posted on 04/28/2016 12:25:30 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

Your whine will mingle with Jake’s purr and you’ll be making beautiful music together!

Have a good nap!!


7,506 posted on 04/28/2016 12:30:53 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: moose07

Or so thickly over the windshield that you have to run the engine for fifteen minutes before leaving for work.


7,507 posted on 04/28/2016 12:30:55 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: moose07

I understand that four digit pin thing...I dispense with them because I can’t remember them when I need them. ;o]


7,508 posted on 04/28/2016 12:32:18 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Tax-chick

There is a little trick for that....put a 1kw fan heater ( safely) in the car half an hour before you intend to leave.
( It gives you extra time to unglue the doors in the first place. :) )


7,509 posted on 04/28/2016 12:44:14 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Monkey Face

Use your name for the code.
S=7 etc.


7,510 posted on 04/28/2016 12:48:02 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

My name is WAY too long for that! But thanks for the idea!


7,511 posted on 04/28/2016 12:57:57 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face; All
Sir Humphrey Appleby

LOL! Enjoy.

7,512 posted on 04/28/2016 1:05:33 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Minister, Britain has had the same foreign policy objective for at least the last 500 years: to create a disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, with the French and Italians against the Germans, and with the French against the Germans and Italians. Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now, when it's worked so well?

James Hacker: That's all ancient history, surely. Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, and current policy. We had to break the whole thing up, so we had to get inside. We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn't work. Now that we're inside we can make a complete pig's breakfast of the whole thing: set the Germans against the French, the French against the Italians, the Italians against the Dutch. The Foreign Office is terribly pleased; it's just like old times.

James Hacker: Surely we're all committed to the European ideal.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Really, Minister. [laughs]

James Hacker: If not, why are we pushing for an increase in the membership?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, for the same reason. It's just like the United Nations, in fact. The more members it has, the more arguments it can stir up. The more futile and impotent it becomes.

James Hacker: What appalling cynicism.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes. We call it diplomacy, Minister.

7,513 posted on 04/28/2016 1:09:02 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; NicknamedBob
We have a little something or other going on in the woods northwest of here..

Photo taken from Ellenville, NY which is about 20 miles from here by crow (many more by horse-path.) Latest report seems to indicate it is 60% controlled..

Sam's Point Ridge Fire.

Better than the Sixteen Mile fire over in PA...

7,514 posted on 04/28/2016 1:59:24 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I’ve seen those in action and they are SCARY!

I hope you’ll be OK, and that the wind doesn’t shift your way. Prayers up for everyone and everything in that fire’s path.


7,515 posted on 04/28/2016 2:08:07 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face

Shouldn’t be a problem, it is on the ridgeline. If it does flare out of control and burn down the mountainside, once it gets to the bottom and runs into cleared farmland it should starve..

The fire over on the PA side of the Delaware River was set.. It has taken out some cabins, and that entire area of NE PA is largely wooded. I gather from those reports, there are two fires over there, but sometimes the excellence in journalism makes interpreting their English constructs difficult..


7,516 posted on 04/28/2016 2:35:25 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

There needs to be a special place for arsonists...I think it should be called, “Hell.”

I will be waiting to hear when there is no more danger.

But now, I’m taking myself to bed. I need sleep!!!


7,517 posted on 04/28/2016 2:44:02 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face
I was too sick to eat yesterday, so today the kid made this for me.
7,518 posted on 04/28/2016 4:38:44 PM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Early in the year for fires.


7,519 posted on 04/28/2016 6:37:54 PM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Tax-chick

Probably an ISIS plot..

The one in PA was set. Haven’t heard about suspected cause of the one 20 crow miles away.

It has been dry for a while and windy and the wooded areas have a lot of last years fallen leaves still unconverted to compost. They were posting grassfire warnings the past few days. Now they are foretelling rain almost daily for the next week so that should dampen things a bit.


7,520 posted on 04/28/2016 6:54:01 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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