Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Brilliant!
Pictures of cats make up for a lot.
I just took the girls shopping for clothes. Should have shot myself first.
OOPS..
Didn’t add “all”.
Wow.
Back in the day, an “intellectual” was a person who could listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
I look forward to the day’s kitteh, too, because for some reason, it sets the mood of the day. ;o]
Took the girls shopping???
T-c: You should have told me first and I would have talked some sense into you! LOL!
Now it’s too late.
I got a pretty card from you today! Everything else in the mailbox went straight to the trash can.
AND the city finally came by and emptied the other bin. I hope we don’t have to go through this next week.
:o])
I’m glad the city came and dumped your garbage. The dumpster is not to far from my door, but I can hear the trucks when they come in at the bottom of the driveway. The Dumpsters are NOISY!
I try not to let my waste bins get too full because I like to dump several small ones into a bigger one and take it out about once a week. Can’t do that when the bags are all full.
I have boys for most of the trash-moving.
“Crud”
Such a wonderfully mentally descriptive word.
Very Underused.
I had a boy to dump the trash, but he grew up and ran away from home and now he dumps his own!
;o]
We use “crud” a lot in my household.
“Why did Frank throw up again?”
“I guess he has the crud.”
Nice that you can enjoy the aesthetics of ice!
You're just saying that to make me jealous.
I love fractals! And frost patterns are the best, but it has been a very long time since last I saw one. I think it was on the south-facing window in the living room in the house I grew up in, long since razed.
How are you today, Moosie?
Did it work?
Heh!
Who wants it?
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