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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

*sheesh*

Metro says there have been 60 homicides so far this year. Dang!


7,421 posted on 04/27/2016 6:32:09 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face

Ran a fever between 100 and 101.6°F last night.


7,422 posted on 04/27/2016 7:15:28 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: null and void

Ohno! Are you coming down with the flu? Poor Flufy! *hug*

I’m going to get my hair cut, but I’ll be back to check on you! LOL!


7,423 posted on 04/27/2016 7:37:21 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face

probably, I ache and my chest is crudded up, can still breathe through my nose, but my sinuses ache.

must have coffee.


7,424 posted on 04/27/2016 7:50:20 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: null and void; Monkey Face; Tax-chick

Coffee first, then I add that I hope you feel better soon.


7,425 posted on 04/27/2016 8:17:59 AM PDT by stephenjohnbanker (My Batting Average( 1,000) since Nov 2014 (GOPe is that easy to read))
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To: null and void

I’m back. Shorter hair, but not obscenely so.

Golly Nully, I sure hope this whateveryouhave doesn’t last long and isn’t too serious. Lots of hot liquids, rest as ASA.

*hug*


7,426 posted on 04/27/2016 8:38:33 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face

American Soybean Association?


7,427 posted on 04/27/2016 8:56:53 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: null and void

HAHAHAHA!!

At least your sense of humor is still well! :o])


7,428 posted on 04/27/2016 9:02:12 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face

And I still don’t know what ASA means...


7,429 posted on 04/27/2016 9:41:56 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Monkey Face

Afternoon! It will soon be naptime, but first, I’ll select some music for Sunday.


7,430 posted on 04/27/2016 10:14:39 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: null and void

Associate of the Society of Actuaries.


7,431 posted on 04/27/2016 10:15:32 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Monkey Face
What good things will this day bring?

A handsome Russian blue kitteh.

7,432 posted on 04/27/2016 10:17:07 AM PDT by Tax-chick (The kitten's name is Bonkers.)
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To: Monkey Face

I had to ask a friend.

https://wiki.openoffice.org/wiki/Documentation/OOoAuthors_User_Manual/Writer_Guide/Numbering_pages

Let me know if that doesn’t help.


7,433 posted on 04/27/2016 10:54:28 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: null and void

Military term for aspirin...


7,434 posted on 04/27/2016 11:09:09 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: ArGee

Thanks. I was almost to the end of the info on the link when I found what I wanted. Tomorrow, if I’m not too washed out from my trip into Vegas, I will tinker with the document, as the chapters are listed with page numbers.

In re-doing this from the original typed document (minus the grammatical and spelling errors) I shortened it by about 110 pages.

Still, it’s almost 200 pages long. That’s a lot of typing...


7,435 posted on 04/27/2016 11:17:10 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Tax-chick

Wow! What a beauty! Thanks!

The haircut looks good, but I may have to trim it around the front a little, as there isn’t much curl there. I will wait until I wash it again before I decide. It’s just down to my collar when it’s wet, so that’s manageable. :o]

One of the peeps went off on me today. He wears some pretty powerful after shave, so I just put on my mask. He seemed to think it was just because of his after shave and that I was being rude, evidently, because he said something, and I just pointed to the mask and he called me everything but a white woman.

Everyone scattered. Charlie said it was probably because he was in pain, and I told him that was no excuse, and Chuck said it was because I embarrassed him. Maybe both, but the guy didn’t have to be so rude. But it’s water under the bridge, now, and I doubt he will sit down if I’m there, ever again. I guess what makes it worse is the fact that I have helped him in the past. So go figger.


7,436 posted on 04/27/2016 11:26:35 AM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Tax-chick

Looks just like my beloved Louie who has been gone for awhile.


7,437 posted on 04/27/2016 11:48:35 AM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m more used to APC.


7,438 posted on 04/27/2016 12:07:48 PM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: null and void

Ah. K. That.


7,439 posted on 04/27/2016 12:10:32 PM PDT by Monkey Face (When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.)
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To: Monkey Face

In WordPerfect, page numbering is under the ‘Format’ tab.

I don’t have Open Office on any machine here, but I have it’s ‘clone/child/offshoot’ Libre Office. (Technically, I think Libre Office is considered a ‘fork’ of OO..) I once had OO on a machine but it was slow and kludy so I ‘almost hardly ever never’ used it.. ;-)

I’m still looking through it, but so far all I see is under ‘Insert’/’Fields’/Page Number..

On the document page it gives a ‘Page 1 of howevermany’ indication at the bottom left which lets you know where you are in the document but not sure that the page number will show on the printed output. Inserting the ‘field’ for page number puts it on the page (I think) and I assume that will put it on the printed output, if that is what you are looking to do.

Might also depend on how old your version of OO is. The Open Office people got lazy a while back and didn’t fix things - mostly because most of the developers quit (2010) due to Oracle’s interference/indifference and became the Libre Office people (and then Oracle fired the ones that remained in spring of 2011...) Libre Office can handle old OO formats (for whatever that is worth to you.) I see that Oracle has dumped the OO group and code base, and OO is now ‘Apache Open Office’.

But back to your original question - other than what I noted above, I see no other option. OO could be different but I don’t have a version of it on any machine to look into it for you.

If you are going to experiment, make sure you have a copy saved to a location that it won’t get messed with.. ;-)


7,440 posted on 04/27/2016 12:16:31 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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