ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[NicknamedBob]

There’s a presumption, based on very sparse data so far, that there are many more planets out there than we had ever anticipated.

Just as so-called “star registries” will allow you to name a star after yourself or someone else (for all the good it might do; it’s like naming a grain of sand), it may be that there is a planet or even several for each of us.

I’m not sure what we could do with such, even if we had the technology and the wherewithal to get to them, but it’s an interesting idea.

Rogue planets are often featured in stories, generally of the apocalyptic type, such as Philip Wylie’s “When Worlds Collide”, but perhaps more often and more likely as hidden places where we mad scientists can pursue our wicked intentions.

Imagining how you might develop your own rogue planet would be a good jumping-off point for your dreams of galactic domination.

And don’t forget the kittens.

[Covenantor]

...Earth spins tilted within the Milky Way galaxy, allowing the astonishing display of stars to stream over our heads on a nightly basis....

In the middle of a bad case of flu and just awoke. So from this muddle, I gather you're saying our Galaxy is kind of like tricked out rocket ship Cadillac and the earth is kind of like the Continental kit, but sort of like in the back seat more or less.

Ok... that's cool.

Still, there's plenty of evidence for the so called Turtle Creation myth. Obviously we can't see the Dude, just too darned big. But the off spring are on the march, ready for the restoration of ancient glory. I've seen them.

Ever notice how some of them look like hand grenades? hmmmm? Over and out... cough and sneeze storm approaching...

[Monkey Face]

Are you moving into a house or an apartment? No rest for the wicked, and the good don’t need any, I guess! ;o]

[Monkey Face]

I wasn’t sure about the rogue planet idea for other stories, but it seems to be an idea without limits.

For some reason, paying someone else to name a star after me sounds a little on the crazy side. Who is to say there isn’t already a star named after me? I mean, aren’t we all Stardust? Maybe I had my own star before I was even born...?

[Monkey Face]

I’m so sorry you’re ailing, Covenantor. *hug*

Hot broth and cinnamon toast... ;o]

[Gefn]

Rain is good for the flowers.

[Gefn]

I like turtles.

I hope you both feel better.

[Tax-chick]

Sorry about the flu, but at least you have turtles.

[Monkey Face]

I went out to sit with the peeps, and the wind is out of the north and very cold. There were only three of us, but that’s OK. I just had to come in because of the cold, and the fact that I’m not feeling well.

The thermometer on the patio says it’s 70 degrees, but the wind makes it feel like 60.

[Tax-chick]

I’m not feeling all that well, either. I need to take Frank to his friend’s birthday party in about an hour.

[Monkey Face]

I got up this morning and before I even got out into the living room, the chills had struck. That’s not a good sign.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll stay upright. My body is trying to tell me something I don’t want to hear. :o0

I thought I was hungry, but I didn’t eat all of the frozen dinner. That’s not a good sign, either. *sigh*

*whine-whine-whine*

[NicknamedBob]

"For some reason, paying someone else to name a star after me sounds a little on the crazy side."

It's possible to engrave a diamond with a laser. So theoretically it should be easy to engrave a grain of sand. Then you could have your own personal one.

It might be more practical than an unreachable star. At least you'd have something.

[Monkey Face]

Yes, Bob, but why would I pay for that? I mean, the stars are free for everyone on every world in every galaxy in the universe. And I can have them every time I go outside on a clear night. I’m RICH!!

(So what, if I’m not good looking?) ;o])

[null and void]

The company is moving to bigger digs.

[NicknamedBob]

"... the stars are free for everyone on every world in every galaxy in the universe. And I can have them every time I go outside on a clear night. I’m RICH!!"

You are much richer than you imagine:

(... excerpt ...)

Find a grain of sand somewhere,
You needn't look too far.
There may be some left in your shoe,
There's more out by the car.

Hold that little grain of sand,
Where you can see it close.
I'm going to explain exactly,
How we got this healthy dose.

You'll see it sparkle as it turns,
Reflecting gleams of light,
But there's a lighter side as well,
If you'll hear my fancy flight.

Each single grain of sand is more.
It's silicon dioxide, Si and then two Os,
Three million billion molecules,
And here's what they compose.

The silicon has fourteen parts,
That are quite positive,
They're mated up with neutral ones,
Which has some peace to give.

Twenty-eight bits of whichness,
All mixed up in a what,
And circled round with wonderment,
That's tied up in a knot.

The Os that hang around it,
Are not just airy moons,
Each has eight bits of fire within,
And eight water balloons.

Sixteen pieces more then,
Of whatness in a where.
And not just in the sand but it's,
One fifth of all our air.

And out there in the water,
Nine-tenths of all of that,
Though you may get it in your nose,
It's not for sneezing at.

Every one of these small things,
Was made so long ago,
We think they are forever,
But I must tell you no.

God put these things together,
A blessing is in each.
If you want to count your blessings,
You can start down at the beach.

NicknamedBob . . . . . April 8, 2004

(From a few years ago: S.A.N.D.)

[Tax-chick]

Frank threw up again. Fortunately, I recognized the signs and got him away from the birthday party. *sigh*

[NoCmpromiz]

How far away are the bigger digs?

[null and void]

Across the street.

[Tax-chick]

[Covenantor]

Good...cough,cough, sneeze...morning all.