ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Gefn]

Let us know how it goes.

[Gefn]

Seven quid seems like a lot of money. That’s what? 11 dollars?

[moose07]

About 11 dollars.
Sadly it is not enough to make ends meet if you are trying to make your own way in life without extra government hand outs.
This rise will mean the government is handing out less and receiving more tax.
For Mr/Mrs average it will pay for half the weeks shopping.

[NicknamedBob]

"She wants to move from the manhattan area to Denver. I told her I couldn’t move there. I need a blue or purple state/ town."

You might consider parts of Pennsylvania. It's not a far drive, and from a Manhattan perspective it's about 300 years in the past.

[null and void]

It went quite well, I’m home chowing down on Fatburger...

[Covenantor]

Inspector Corgi on the job.

Sniffing out suspected leeks in the department.

[Covenantor]

Inspector Corgi on the job.

Sniffing out suspected leeks in the department.

[NoCmpromiz]

You’re sure it isn’t a hefalump?

Or Pooh with his head stuck in the honey jar...

[moose07]

Nature attempts to make a faster dog.

[NoCmpromiz]

I'm sure you have had occasion to want one of these..

[Tax-chick]

[Covenantor]

' mornin'...mmphhh mmmphmm...ummmm K... fuzzy it is...zzzzzzzzzzz

[Monkey Face]

So tell me how great it is to see!!

Some days, I just stare at things outside because they are so brightly colored and the detail is so amazing! I suspect you will be doing much the same thing.

[Monkey Face]

Just like America...$15 an hour... *sheesh*

[Monkey Face]

We have two people here with “expensive” cars, and they take up two parking spaces. And think they are entitled...

[Tax-chick]

I don’t think that’s a kitteh.

[Monkey Face]

You could move to Utah, Wyoming, Arizona or Idaho...they are massively blue. And you would be closer so we could visit!

[Monkey Face]

Squeeably floofy!

Apart from putting the laundry away, I have no other specific plans for this day. Maybe I should get back to my personal history.

:o|

[Gefn]

Yay!

Fat burger sounds delicious.

[Gefn]

Is Inspector Corgi related to the royal corgis?