Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
They’re crazy and they’re kooky.
The most extreme cases get elected to Congress.
That would ruin my concentration, too!
I got the spaghetti made and it was good, as usual, and now I’m waiting for the rest to cool off so I can refrigerate it.
And now my stomach is upset. I didn’t add the sugar until it was almost done, which I never do...I add it to the tomato sauce.
The wind is driving me bonkers.
He might be hiding in the shower curtain that Tax-chick lost during one move, lo, these long years ago, when her household had less members.
I’d try to tempt him with some raw hamburger, rather than my hand...
But being a musician gives you free license to vigorously critique the work of any of the remaining class of musicians...
Or mayor of Gotham...
He’s not dead, he’s pinin’ for the fjords.
You mean, like Eric the Awful, of Ray Stevens song fame...?
I might have to steal it from you... ;o]
A snippet of the lyrics of “Somebody told me” by the Killers.
Free association.
My ex says I do it better than anyone she’s ever met outside a mental institution.
And they'll all vote for Hillary.
I can't tell a good didgeridoo player from a bad one.
Did you know that, if you type ArGee wrong, it’s “agree”?
The zombies got the shower curtains. Darksheare found the remains and disposed of them out the airlock.
Have you looked on the Christmas tree?
I still ping Barbara K. Olson, she hasn’t posted since 9/11, and is very unlikely to ever post again.
Purr-fect imitation: Grumpy Cat is immortalized at Madame Tussauds with her own animatronic figure
Oh. I’m sorry. I must have missed the Christmas tree. I miss a lot of things these days.
I went out in the wind and wish I hadn’t.
If space aliens are watching us, they must be very confused.
Sorry to hear about that! It’s in the mid-70s here.
I saw that on the alphabet news this morning. First time Tussaud’s has ever done a cat, much less an animated something.
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