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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

Yes, blondes have nothing on him, for sure.

What will he be like when he reaches your age? There’s something to contemplate, though I’m not sure you should be the one to do it....

I admire your patience with him. He is, like my daughter, proof of “opposition in all things.”


6,681 posted on 04/12/2016 6:53:46 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face

Oh they are so precious.

Raining here and I have to schlep to Trenton to see a shrink for an evaluation for surgery.

Not looking forward to it. The drive I mean, in this weather,


6,682 posted on 04/12/2016 6:55:32 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m sure he’ll be more fashionable at 50 than I am.

I’m happier today with Bill than with Tom ... but at least they’re both out of the house for now. After the carpet-cleaning, I’ll take the Dyson to A-Plus Vacuums to get a new belt. (I’m almost sure the belt was supposed to be unbreakable, but that’s us ...). Then I’ll get Tom from school.

Is it 5 o’clock Somewhere yet? I want a drink!


6,683 posted on 04/12/2016 6:57:49 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Gefn

Be extra careful!


6,684 posted on 04/12/2016 6:58:59 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I wish I had a carpet cleaner to come and do this one. I need to vacuum and clean the fridge today, so I’m ready for the inspection tomorrow.

Depending on what the manager tells me, I will make this my argument for new appliances: The maintenance workers have done the best they could considering the old appliances they have tried to fix. The appliances are worn out. Period. You will keep spending money and taking time away from jobs that are more important to keep these working, when you could replace them. I have been in this complex ten years, I have always paid my rent on time and I have never been a trouble-maker. My rent allows me “quiet enjoyment” and by not replacing these old appliances, you are denying my that right.

Or words to that effect.


6,685 posted on 04/12/2016 7:00:16 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Monkey Face

Sounds good! Look them right in the eye, speak firmly, and then hand them the same thing on paper.


6,686 posted on 04/12/2016 7:02:07 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I wanted a drink shortly after I got out of bed, but decided it was far too early to start on THAT! LOL!

My clock doesn’t want to let me reset it. It’s an atomic clock and supposed to set itself, but it’s stuck. It must be a liberal...


6,687 posted on 04/12/2016 7:04:28 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Tax-chick

I will do that. And I will also give them a copy of the complaints. He Who Shall Not Be Named complained several years ago how I had far more papers that I saved than he did. And he was always scrambling for documents, especially after the break-in two years ago. He never kept receipts for high-dollar stuff, so when it was stolen, he couldn’t put a price on it.

I, on the other hand, have always been able to produce the proper document when it was needed. And since I was forced to “retire” due to illness, having the papers handy was even more important.

So I have all that stuff.... :o]


6,688 posted on 04/12/2016 7:09:03 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: NoCmpromiz

But can you experience a train robbery (from the point of view of those on the train) on any of those?


6,689 posted on 04/12/2016 7:09:09 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: Tax-chick

I just re-read the complaint that I made March 8 (I had to re-submit it last week) and in it, I made the point that I have a right to quiet enjoyment, and I can’t have it with outdated appliances.

And the fridge is done. Now, I have to clean the stove burners, but that’s no biggie. I can do it when I do the dishes.

My knees are VERY upset with me! LOL! But I’m good! The fridge wasn’t very dirty, but it DID need to be cleaned.


6,690 posted on 04/12/2016 8:06:21 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Monkey Face

You’re an inspiration!

The carpets are cleaned but will take many hours to dry, especially since it’s a wet day. Soon I will load up the most difficult children and take them to A-Plus Vacuums, followed by the library, followed by picking up Tom. He gets to be last because I’m really mad at him.


6,691 posted on 04/12/2016 8:15:14 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

If you have a floor or window fan, set it where it can circulate over the carpet, and that will help to dry it. Also, the furnace will take some of the moisture out of the air.

Well, whatever Tom the Son did, I’m mad at him too. So there, Tom. ;o]

(When I shampoo my rug, I set the fan on the floor and turn it on high, pointed towards the door which I leave open. But it doesn’t do much good if the humidity is up!)


6,692 posted on 04/12/2016 8:47:13 AM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Monkey Face

What’s wrong with walking like a robot?


6,693 posted on 04/12/2016 10:54:33 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: Tax-chick

Unbreakable things aren’t.


6,694 posted on 04/12/2016 10:57:33 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick
My clock doesn’t want to let me reset it ... It must be a liberal..

It's merely making a statement by telling you what time it FEELS it is..

And there's the possibility that, due to your close proximity to California, that it's not really atomic.

It is instead powered by Moonbeams..

6,695 posted on 04/12/2016 11:13:25 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee
Interesting question. And the answer is 'I don't know.'

Some years back we rode on the train out of Honesdale, PA (The Stourbridge Line) and they had a 'train robbery' where the 'bad guys' rode up on horseback and stopped the train and climbed on board harassing the passengers until they were run off by the 'sheriff'.

The line has had some troubles the past several years with their locomotive, their lease and a bunch of other politicing things (Wikipedia has more info if you're interested) but they have a schedule for this year posted. Also reported on Trainorders.com is the fact that they have a 'new' F-7A locomotive from a tourist line in MI, but it isn't on property yet. That would give them an additional locomotive to compliment their present BL2 loco. What plans they have for it are unknown. I don't see a Robbery Train though. And it's not steam if that was a 'necessity'. Of course, since they are just starting up again what 'could be' remains to be seen.

I also don't see a train robbery scheduled for the Susquehanna 142 out of Phillipsburg, but I know that they also have staged that in the past.

I know that none of the trains out of Steamtown have a robbery, and with all their 'big' steamers out of action I'm wondering what they will do for any 'descent length' train rides. They previously ran a couple of runs from Scranton to Tobyhanna, and at least one run from Scranton to the Delaware Water Gap (all steam powered) each year but with no steam I don't think that's happening. They don't have a diesel of sufficient HP to make that run (there's these things called 'The Poconos' that need to be conquered.) They might 'borrow' some locomotives from the Delaware Lackawanna RR which could generate some railfan interest since the DL runs all Alco locomotives (which may not mean anything to you, but causes some rail buffs to go into foamer mode) but I didn't see anything that implied such the last time I looked.

The two operations that I know did 'robbery trains' in the past are the Stourbridge and the Susquehanna 142. If you're considering it, it might be worth it to call them and inquire. And in the meantime I'll keep my eyes open for anything like that as I nose around the various rail sites I visit.

6,696 posted on 04/12/2016 12:40:13 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Every time I see or hear the word “moonbeam,” I think of L’il Abner and the vamp of the strip, Moonbeam McSwine. I really miss that comic strip! :o])


6,697 posted on 04/12/2016 1:08:49 PM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Monkey Face

Mammy Yokum and her pipe would be forbidden these days.


6,698 posted on 04/12/2016 1:09:56 PM PDT by Mears
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To: ArGee

Nothing is wrong with walking like a robot as long as there is no pain involved. That’s not the case for me. Darnit!

;o]


6,699 posted on 04/12/2016 1:10:11 PM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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To: Monkey Face

!


6,700 posted on 04/12/2016 1:10:43 PM PDT by Monkey Face (What is a good way to end gender confusion? Look in your underwear. You're welcome. -- FB :o])
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