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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Gefn; ArGee; NoCmpromiz

Aww, you’re just saying that because Dinkins was born in Trenton.

There were those three days of uncontrolled rioting by blacks in Crown Heights...anti-semetic POS.


6,501 posted on 04/09/2016 7:26:11 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Gefn

Yes, you did. x500!


6,502 posted on 04/09/2016 7:58:03 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Covenantor

Dinkins was born in Trenton? I did not know that.

R.I.P. Yankel Rosenbaum. I rember watching those riots on TV. And lighting a candle for Mr.Rosenbaum. I didn’t realize such anti semitism existed in the USA, even though I’ve personally encountered it.

Scary stuff how people hate.


6,503 posted on 04/09/2016 7:58:12 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

My younger sister is so far ahead of me in the GG baby department, it isn’t funny. This baby is from my oldest grandson, and he and his wife lost three babies before Isaac and his big sister Kylie came to stay. It was pretty sad. She lost one when he was in Afghanistan. She is epileptic, so pregnancies are always high risk with her.

I’m just happy for Connor, to finally get his son!


6,504 posted on 04/09/2016 11:00:04 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: null and void

Thanks, Nully!!


6,505 posted on 04/09/2016 11:00:54 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Gefn

W00t!!! ;o]


6,506 posted on 04/09/2016 11:02:31 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Monkey Face

Afternoon. I took Sally and Alyse from up the street to a get-together with a few of her other friends. Tom will pick them up after supper. DP and Bill have gone to Raleigh for a marathon.


6,507 posted on 04/09/2016 12:14:15 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Gefn

Dinkins, longtime friend of honest Charlie Rangel, is ultimately bashable. But he just might loose that honor to Warren Wilhelm Jr. in a sort of like how Carter is no longer the worst president manner.

Not sure if getting the tennis people to sign a 99 year lease on some tennis courts makes Yankel Rosenbaum any less dead. Or the acquittal of Lemrick Nelson for his murder any less a travesty of justice. Or the delay/lack of police presence in the Crown Heights riots any less egregious.

I’m sure Dinkins is comfortable in his present surroundings at that great bastion of conservatism, Columbia University.. < /s>


6,508 posted on 04/09/2016 12:20:31 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick

History in the making, right NOW:

http://god.tv/azusanow


6,509 posted on 04/09/2016 12:22:30 PM PDT by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Gefn
I’m sure Dinkins is comfortable in his present surroundings ...

None of these people EVER experiences any consequences.

6,510 posted on 04/09/2016 12:23:00 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

Congrats on newest greatgrandbaby. ;-)


6,511 posted on 04/09/2016 12:23:27 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: HKMk23

That link didn’t work for me, but here’s a thread.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/3419195/posts

Espiritu Santo, Ven!


6,512 posted on 04/09/2016 12:24:36 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

The wind is up, the clouds are very dark, the thunder sounds like some of that stuff the Midwest experiences, and the temp has dropped almost 18 degrees in the last 15 minutes. Hail is falling nearby, I’m sure. I just went out and took some pics.

My trip to Wally’s really scared me, as the spices were almost $5 each and I had to get three of them. DANG! That’s not fun! I could have bought yogurt and other stomach-friendly foods for a week on that! But I had to weigh the ulcer relief with the food...

This has been a strange day in a lot of ways, so I probably don’t have my brain inserted properly. :o|


6,513 posted on 04/09/2016 12:40:47 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Thanks, NoC!!! I’m waiting for some pics I can post here, but I suspect some others will be on FB in a day or two. (GGMa is always the last to know!)


6,514 posted on 04/09/2016 12:48:28 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Monkey Face

Darn, those are some expensive spices!


6,515 posted on 04/09/2016 1:00:52 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

Yes, I know, and I cannot see ANY reason for Walmart to price them so high! I think Monday, I will go to Smith’s and see what the price is there.

Push comes to shove, I can take these back and go to Smith’s.

And I found out if I pay over $35 every three months for prescriptions, my SNAP balance will increase. So I will find my ‘script’ print-out and do some math. Those spices could be bought with my SNAP card.


6,516 posted on 04/09/2016 1:10:15 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; moose07
Now if you were in Greensboro, NC today you could have seen a smoke breathing dragon.

Or a reasonable facsimile.. ;-)


6,517 posted on 04/09/2016 1:18:29 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face

Learning experiences. Herbs and spices at our Walmart are usually in the $1.50 - $3.00 range.


6,518 posted on 04/09/2016 1:20:28 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I missed it. I went to Pineville, but there was nothing exciting happening there.


6,519 posted on 04/09/2016 1:21:14 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; HKMk23
¡Espiritu Santo, Ven!

Si!

6,520 posted on 04/09/2016 1:24:34 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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