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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

We’ve been in “drought conditions” for the last five years. The snow on Mt Charleston and in the Rockies this winter will help to feed Lake Mead, but it is still very far below the level it should be. The bathtub ring around just gets bigger every year.

I hope DP’s mom maintains a “stiff upper heart of oak” as my mother often said! LOL!

Last night, if forgot to fill my drink bottles before I went to bed, so I have to stop at 7-11 and get some water for the drive. Driving in traffic seems to make my mouth dry. I know it’s because I “watch out for the other guy!”


6,381 posted on 04/07/2016 5:52:41 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.)
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To: Monkey Face

You always have to expect that the other guy is going to do something stupid.


6,382 posted on 04/07/2016 7:16:16 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I am home. Worn out, too!


6,383 posted on 04/07/2016 9:52:16 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.)
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To: Monkey Face

I remember Merle. He had credibility in his music; credibility that still speaks.

Here’s something you may enjoy:
http://merlehaggard.com/bio/


6,384 posted on 04/07/2016 10:00:13 AM PDT by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
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To: All
Well THIS day is just all

6,385 posted on 04/07/2016 11:15:30 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: HKMk23

Thanks, HK!! I saved that because it looks like it’s worth taking a little time to go through.


6,386 posted on 04/07/2016 11:31:38 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.)
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To: ArGee

And all the bananas at Wally’s are that ripe or riper. Dang.

But yes, it is one of those days.

The new medical building for the pain clinic is in the old IRS building. I was looking at the elevators and wondered just how much of our money was spent on getting that building up and running...?


6,387 posted on 04/07/2016 11:34:36 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.)
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To: Monkey Face

You talked about the IRS and Medicine in the same sentence.

I’ll be back when my mind is un-boggled.


6,388 posted on 04/07/2016 12:09:04 PM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: Monkey Face; HKMk23; ArGee

Afternoon, all y’all.

This morning, Kathleen was using an illustrated prose retelling of the Iliad and the Odyssey to make a building with blocks. When I told her to put it back in the bookcase, she hugged it and said, “But I want it! It’s Trojan War themed!”


6,389 posted on 04/07/2016 12:09:21 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: ArGee

Ooops! My bad. But what can I say otherwise, as that’s the truth. Now, instead of different departments in different buildings, all the departments are in one, and it’s four stories high. With LOTS of windows!!!

I didn’t have too much trouble finding it, but it was a long trip. And by the time I got home, my back was killing me. It had also been quite a few hours since my last Benedryl and my eyes itched, my nose was runny, and I had a hard time breathing. *sheesh*


6,390 posted on 04/07/2016 12:18:31 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.)
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To: Tax-chick

Kathleen is such a spunky kid!

How was your trip to the dentist?


6,391 posted on 04/07/2016 12:20:23 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.)
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To: Monkey Face

Not bad at all. No x-rays, no probing at my gums, just cleaning. Tom the Son got a filling.


6,392 posted on 04/07/2016 12:20:54 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I need to go back to the dental clinic to get my teeth fixed. I just don’t have the money for it, but it needs to be done before I lose my ability to chew.

Even as much as I don’t like dental work, I realize that part of my health problems are caused by the condition of my mouth.


6,393 posted on 04/07/2016 12:23:38 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.)
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To: HKMk23

Kitties had levitation taped long ago.
They need to join forces with the Daleks to solve the riddle of the Can opener.
Opposable Thumbs would be a start.


6,394 posted on 04/07/2016 12:36:11 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

One of my cats has lost her mind and is peeing everywhere. In desperation I turned to the internet, and discovered kitty diapers. It’s either that or cage her 24x7; we’ve tried everything else.

I’ll post a picture if I ever get them on her.


6,395 posted on 04/07/2016 12:45:04 PM PDT by Not A Snowbird (Being a person is getting too complicated. Time to be a unicorn.)
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To: SandyInSeattle

Oh, no! Poor kitty! Are you back at home, or is this happening in absentia?

Has your vet checked for UTI?


6,396 posted on 04/07/2016 12:46:00 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face; ArGee
all the bananas at Wally’s are that ripe or riper which is fine if you plan to make banana bread.

Today..

6,397 posted on 04/07/2016 12:49:27 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: SandyInSeattle

Oh, Sandy, I’m so sorry. It’s tough to see the kittehs go through something like that and not be able to really help them.

I hope for the best for her and for you, in such a difficult situation. <3

*hug*


6,398 posted on 04/07/2016 12:54:35 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

No, no banana bread because there is no one here to eat it but me, and I’m afraid I would do too good a job on that last thing!!!

I’m still trying to give away the fish-eyeball pudding... :o|


6,399 posted on 04/07/2016 12:56:24 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.)
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To: Monkey Face

*tagline*


6,400 posted on 04/07/2016 1:04:00 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The human body is about 90% water, so basically, we're cucumbers with anxiety.)
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