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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

and I’m not sleeping in I’m having withdrawal symptoms. so how do I get back on where I belong?


6,261 posted on 04/05/2016 12:58:53 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be decisive. The road of life is filled with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; ArGee; null and void

I don’t know which one of you to address this to because I know one of you can help me and one of you might be able to but one of you Is also on Facebook. so at the risk of having all of this put out on the internet I need help. Monkeyface 1515@ yahoo.com. I’m desperate. please help me access free republic again on something besides my little phone


6,262 posted on 04/05/2016 1:06:21 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be decisive. The road of life is filled with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

so I’m guessing that the post I just made it superfluous


6,263 posted on 04/05/2016 1:08:26 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be decisive. The road of life is filled with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

nope that didn’t workI can get free republic but I can’t login


6,264 posted on 04/05/2016 1:18:52 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be decisive. The road of life is filled with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.)
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To: Monkey Face

someone who can get into my computer needs to do so.


6,265 posted on 04/05/2016 1:19:45 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be decisive. The road of life is filled with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.)
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To: Monkey Face; ArGee
Then you need the hosts file mod..

Don't know how to get there in WinTen. Maybe ArGee can help with that.

According to Icann the domain info was revised yesterday and should be propagating throughout the system now. Unfortunately that could take a couple of days.

And according to the last post from JimRob on the other thread as of 11 something am (here) there was no updated info.

I find that I can get to FR on my smortphome when I'm outdoors on 3g (or 4g depending on whether a flock of geese is reflecting the signal) but not through wifi. Also, any of the notebooks can't get to FR if on wifi (but will if I plug in the ethernet cable because then they go through my gateway machine.

Some people have reported success by changing their DNS server settings in their router to something different (such as Open DNS) but that seems regional since I use Open DNS and its dead from here.

It might be worth a shot on your end if you know how to change DNS settings in your router. Otherwise best leave things alone 'cause you could end up with no internet at all..

6,266 posted on 04/05/2016 2:03:44 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face

It wasn’t your computer; it’s all better, now.

We were all in the same boat; not just you.


6,267 posted on 04/05/2016 6:20:33 PM PDT by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
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To: Monkey Face

It wasn’t your computer; it’s all better, now.

We were all in the same boat; not just you.


6,268 posted on 04/05/2016 6:20:33 PM PDT by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
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To: Monkey Face

So I go for a drive to Aldi’s for milk and half & half and when I come back everything is healed..

So I can sit here and munch on my samidge in piece.

Sort of.

Samidge is being ogled with interest by one Tipton T. Longcat. And it doesn’t help to say “Longcats don’t eat this,” because the odds are he will. I’ve never had a cat who ate salami before..


6,269 posted on 04/05/2016 6:32:42 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

My cat from long ago, “Mr. Gotto” would eat corned beef.


6,270 posted on 04/05/2016 6:34:37 PM PDT by eyedigress ((Old storm chaser from the west))
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To: NoCmpromiz
Thoroughly logical..


6,271 posted on 04/05/2016 6:45:33 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I had a cat who ate pepperoni.


6,272 posted on 04/05/2016 6:47:07 PM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: eyedigress

Most of our cats will eat corned beef. But salami was never high on their list of acceptable offerings. Neither was liverwurst. Until T. T. Longcat.. ;-)

Only other cat we ever had who would touch liverwurst was Mandy who lived to be (at least) 24. Even at 24 she was ridiculously healthy for a senior catizen, but there toward the end of her time she developed ‘feline cognitive disorder’ and her mind left her (sort of the kittie version of Alzheimer’s) And wouldn’t ‘remember’ why she crawled into the litterbox and would fall asleep among other unusual behaviors. But her nose still worked and if anyone dared to make a liverwurst sandwich that memory was still active and she was right there doing a kitten prance around your feet with vocal track.

Begging...


6,273 posted on 04/05/2016 6:59:01 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Gefn

Haven’t tried T. T. Longcat with pepperoni, but since he eats salami and liverwurst, he might actually eat it. I know none of the other cats here now will touch it.


6,274 posted on 04/05/2016 7:01:28 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick

Caption for 6217: There’s one in every family.


6,275 posted on 04/05/2016 8:00:21 PM PDT by Silentgypsy (Mind your atomic bonds.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

My kitties also would grab the lox off my Sunday bagel.


6,276 posted on 04/05/2016 8:43:21 PM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Tax-chick; All

I’m in the hospital since this afternoon. Couldn’t walk or urinate thought the kidneys were failing. Long story short I have a urinary tract infection which poisoned my bladder. In an observation room, not a real one. Watching the game show network and dreaming of kitties.

I could use some kitty pictures if possible?

I have my purple kitty like the one I sent to Face here.

Should be home in 24-48 hours,

Bless you all.,


6,277 posted on 04/05/2016 8:47:55 PM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn
Kitty pics, eh?
6,278 posted on 04/05/2016 9:40:17 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I like it. Reminds me of my Korat. We thought it was a Russian Blue originally. The vet corrected us. Explains the Psycho Blue nickname we gave her.


6,279 posted on 04/05/2016 9:45:50 PM PDT by PA Engineer (Liberate America from the Occupation Media. #2ndAmendmentMatters)
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To: Gefn

I had a cat who ate avocado.


6,280 posted on 04/05/2016 9:49:44 PM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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