ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Monkey Face]

!

[Monkey Face]

W00t!!

[Gefn]

Wow. I can see this as a BBC production like “Selfridges”

[Gefn]

I have some old granny square quilts my late grandmother made, I had them in plastic storage because the kitties would get their claws stuck in the yarn and destroy it.

I miss my grandmother. Grandparents are so cool.

[stephenjohnbanker]

I went back to Los Angeles for 4 months. It was unbearable because of the traffic.

[stephenjohnbanker]

Yep. I miss mine too.

[moose07]

“The history of Joseph Lucas, by Charles Dickens”

*stage requirements: A very fast dropping , and reliable, curtain for the dark scenes *

[Monkey Face]

Patty Duke died in Idaho of sepsis, due to a perforated intestine.

[stephenjohnbanker]

Yep...RIP.

[Tax-chick]

I saw that earlier. Very sad.

[Gefn]

I met her at a NAMI conference a few years back when she was the featured speaker. Afterwards I waited in line for her autograph, I got tongue tied and said “I thought your son was really good in The Lord of the Rings”.

She gave me this big old smile and thanked me. You could tell she was really proud of her children.

RIP

[moose07]

Young too, poor Lass.

[Tax-chick]

That’s very nice.

She had a very hard time. She was extremely pretty, but would have looked even better in an era with more flattering hairstyles!

[Darksheare]

Pricing computer parts

[Tax-chick]

Loud electric guitar coming from upstairs. I don’t recognize the tune.

[Darksheare]

Could be anything from a rousing marching tune, matrimonial serenade, battle declaration, to pure noise.

[Monkey Face]

You can hear Darksheare’s electric guitar brain from where you live? WHOA!!!

[Covenantor]

about the horn, tell them you are local council Noise Abatement Inspector checking for non-compliance, bring your own deafie.

Respect our Swiss like neutral status on the UT thread I refrained from using the proper name, ear trum...

[Darksheare]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruPXfmX8rYw

[NoCmpromiz]

Can’t find that in the Highway Code definition section or the Glossary

You would if youi spelled it correctly.

Nincompoop is spelled with a leading "a" and ends with "hole" with the rest of the donkey thrown in for good measure..