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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NoCmpromiz

The spoil from the digging of that void has been kept.
What has been dug by man ,can be replaced by man.

The Ferrys have always been the biggest problem.
The Train is harder to board without a ticket.


5,661 posted on 03/25/2016 12:36:25 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07
The spoil from the digging of that void has been kept.

I have an idea..

Dump it all on Mecca.

After treating it with bacon grease.

To, you know, keep down the dust.. ;-)

5,662 posted on 03/25/2016 1:11:41 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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Guess it’s about time to look in on Facepagething to see if any of my internet atheist friends have taken the bait.. ;-)


5,663 posted on 03/25/2016 1:13:48 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

LoL, that would give geologists a puzzler.
Huge Chalk hill in middle of Arabia.
Can we put a Cathedral on top of it? Go Full Gothic on them. :)


5,664 posted on 03/25/2016 1:23:10 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Monkey Face

Back from church again. We had a Spanish prayer service at the pond. Pretty good turnout.

The pond has huge bullfrog tadpoles in it. One of the Colombian ladies thought they were catfish!


5,665 posted on 03/25/2016 1:27:11 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Gefn

Pat and James like math. This is a new thing for James. He’s only recently discovered that he’s good at it.


5,666 posted on 03/25/2016 1:31:24 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m proud of my human heritage. I’m not actually sure who my ancestors are, but I’m convinced there are no primates in my lineage.

Sometimes I think there might be slugs, but no primates.

Seriously, you should see how I sit at my computer sometimes. You’d sweare I have no bones.


5,667 posted on 03/25/2016 1:47:49 PM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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Happy Good Friday and Easter to all. I may or may not check in much over the next few weeks as the pot is finally boiling here.


5,668 posted on 03/25/2016 1:50:12 PM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: ArGee

Happy Easter to you, and may your Good Friday be very good, indeed!


5,669 posted on 03/25/2016 1:56:50 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Tax-chick

Interesting...catfish tadpoles. Whodathunkit?

And is the birdhouse constructed?

Once calculators were available for the general public, my math scores soared. After CFIDS, I was back in 2nd Grade. :o[


5,670 posted on 03/25/2016 1:59:20 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Tax-chick

I saw what you did there! Thanks! :o]


5,671 posted on 03/25/2016 2:01:55 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: ArGee

Have a good Easter ,ArGee.


5,672 posted on 03/25/2016 2:14:53 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

And Happy Easter to you, Moosie, and to your family! May you all be blessed with those things that will benefit you the most!

<3 XO

‘Face


5,673 posted on 03/25/2016 2:16:32 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face

((Hugs))
Have a Happy Easter ,Face.

Lookout for the Chocolate Bunny. :)


5,674 posted on 03/25/2016 2:21:45 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

I will!!!

And I will even see if I can find a Cadbury’s!! YUM! (But do they make dark chocolate bunnehs?)


5,675 posted on 03/25/2016 2:27:45 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face

The Lindor Bunnehs are best for Dark chok. Haven’t seen a Cadbury’s dark Bunneh.


5,676 posted on 03/25/2016 2:30:21 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

Now THOSE I know where to get! LOL!

And I’m off for the night!


5,677 posted on 03/25/2016 2:36:12 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face

Sleep well. :)


5,678 posted on 03/25/2016 2:38:12 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: ArGee

Good luck with your cooking! We’ll miss you if you aren’t here.


5,679 posted on 03/25/2016 2:46:53 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

Hope you have a good night. We’re leaving for church at 6:10 EDT. I just gave Frank his second bath of the day. He’s remarkably dirty, even compared to his brothers!


5,680 posted on 03/25/2016 2:48:30 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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