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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: trisham

Hmmmm, M25 , M23. Not a journey to be undertaken lightly.
There was talk of a Rail link between the two, that’s how far it’s got....talk.


5,421 posted on 03/21/2016 8:54:28 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

I tried to stay awake, but after having been up all of the previous night, I fell asleep in the middle of Heathrow Airport and again on the bus. From what I did see, London is a beautiful and charming city.


5,422 posted on 03/21/2016 8:57:17 AM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Monkey Face; Gefn

I’m doing a bunch of forms for Scout camp.


5,423 posted on 03/21/2016 9:02:39 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; null and void; Shimmer1; NicknamedBob; moose07; All

Low-grade fever, chills, extreme fatigue, inability to concentrate, short attention span, etc., etc., etc.

I want to go to bed, but it is way too early. The wind is blowing rather fiercely, and I was out with the peeps for about 40 minutes, so my eyes are swollen and itchy, and I’m having a hard time breathing.

I need another breathing treatment to help dislodge the gunk I inhaled at Railroad Pass. We had to run the gauntlet of smokers to get to the buffet line, and one mask wasn’t enough. Remind me to pack an extra mask with me next time I have out of town company! ;o]

My right leg is bothering me today, too, and it’s rather distracting.


5,424 posted on 03/21/2016 12:13:15 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m sorry you’re not well today. Hope tomorrow is better! I turned in paperwork for Elen at CP this afternoon, and it turns out she doesn’t have to take remedial math after all. She’s officially a high school graduate now. (4th one!)

Now I need to get a refund for the course which I overzealously paid for. I can do it tomorrow when I pick Tom up. Maybe they’ll hold a credit until we register in May.


5,425 posted on 03/21/2016 12:45:05 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

Thanks. I knew this was going to happen after the activity of last week, but it was worth it in the long run. My house was clean for company I didn’t expect would go inside, and I got to spend time with people I think a lot of.

But this (today) is what happens after I push myself. When I stop and let my body take over, it is always this way. So all I can do is deal with it by not dealing with it. Otherwise, I will be very ill for several weeks. Or months.

Wow. The fourth one!!! Congratulations! That must give you an immense feeling of satisfaction, knowing your tenacity has provided your children with an excellent education! :o])


5,426 posted on 03/21/2016 12:57:29 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face

Having four graduates is almost a surprise. In another fifteen years or so, they should all have moved on ... and I’ll be only 65, with my whole life ahead of me.


5,427 posted on 03/21/2016 1:03:27 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I still find it hard to believe I’m as old as I am, because my brain tells me I’m not “that” old. And I try not to think of how much life I have behind me, while focusing on the life I have ahead of me!

And I don’t think you’re “that” old either, when I think of the ages of your kids!

(Every time I move, the chills come back.)

Tomorrow, I think I will feel better, and I hope I do, as I have to go see the Sr. Rep about the latest application from the State...I have to make sure the app also covers the whopping $16 for food stamps that I have to “earn.”

Charlie and I were the only peeps outside today, and he is very interesting to talk to, so any time with him passes very quickly.


5,428 posted on 03/21/2016 1:50:38 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Monkey Face

At least one good thing happened. It looks like Frank has pinkeye. I’m going to pretend I don’t notice right now, but when we get home from Scouts I’ll call the 24-hour clinic to see how long the line is.


5,429 posted on 03/21/2016 1:51:52 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m off to bed.

I’m sure there are many things I want to say, and maybe should say, but at the moment, my eyelids want to slam shut and my daytime life needs to be put on Hold!

Take care of all of you, and I’ll see you tomorrow!


5,430 posted on 03/21/2016 2:00:46 PM PDT by Monkey Face (You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.)
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To: Tax-chick

Or simply wear the black clothes and explain a lot.)

‘Course the simplest explanation would be to hang a sign that says “I am owned by a white cat” on your back.. ;-)


5,431 posted on 03/21/2016 2:58:13 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face; Tax-chick; Gefn

One.

You’re not that old.

No matter how old you are.


5,432 posted on 03/21/2016 3:03:27 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Monkey Face
Checked on the daffodils. So far they seem to have survived the cold nights. Tonight it is again projected to drop to 25. Then a wave of glowbull warmthing will drive the temps to almost 70 by Friday with nights in the 40s. I also noted a lone crocus at a location that I don't remember seing one before. And a Wood Hyacinth (aka Bluebell) in bloom. And the tulips seem to have survived also as have the bluethings that look like violets but probably aren't that are definitely not in the hyacinth family because the flower shape is wrong that pop up through the advanced grass substitute that passes for a lawn here.

This is the patch of them in front of the house. The bunch of sticks in the corner is a butterfly bush. It's smart enough to stay dormant still..


5,433 posted on 03/21/2016 3:23:09 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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From the "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you" file..


5,434 posted on 03/21/2016 6:21:45 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07

Boaty McBoatface???


5,435 posted on 03/21/2016 9:03:43 PM PDT by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

5,436 posted on 03/22/2016 2:10:41 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

5,437 posted on 03/22/2016 2:27:04 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Very useful!


5,438 posted on 03/22/2016 2:36:41 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

But ours won’t stay stacked...


5,439 posted on 03/22/2016 2:47:13 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: null and void
My, My, Doesn't News travel fast these days. LoL.
A TV presenter coined the stupid name as a joke, it stuck. The public(Kids) voted for it.
The name will now be decided by committee.
“Sir EDwin BLackadder FFarqar Corruthers Smiyyyth FRS”
Or some such tediously predictable moniker will no doubt be placed up on it.

I though “Pingu” was a suitable name for such a Ship.
“150meters of Pseudo Science heading South.”

5,440 posted on 03/22/2016 3:51:55 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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