ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Gefn]

Good night.

[Tax-chick]

[Gefn]

Good morning, TC, chickadees and Jake.

Today’s kitteh looks like Blofeld’s cat’s grandson. He’s planning his revenge on James Bond by macguyvering a weapon from sticky tape.

[moose07]

GoodMorning Earlybirds.

Sun is out.
Off out soon.

:)

[Monkey Face]

Good morning, all.

I think I was overtired last night and had a hard time sleeping the night through. And I dreamed I ran over someone while I was driving. THAT woke me up! The awful feeling is still with me.

And I’m still tired. Of course I am. That’s why it’s called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... ungh.

I need to sort clothes. BRB.

[trisham]

I was briefly in London on a trip to Austria. Because of a strike by TWA, we flew into Heathrow and were bussed to Gatwick, from which we flew Dan Air to Germany. It was quite a trip.

[trisham]

That is a surprisingly good champagne. Affordable, too. Nothing says “celebration” like champagne. :)

[null and void]

the plans have been made by others, and I’m just going along for the ride!

I know that feeling...

[null and void]

“He who has not kept the Allen Wrench from previous IKEA project is doomed the failure.” Ancient Scandinavian Proverb. (Possibly)

[null and void]

We had a dark chocolate muffin (oh YUMMERS!) with our coffee, and I just realized I left half of mine in his car. *sigh*

KEWL!!! Breakfast!!!!

[Gefn]

Do they sell beer at ikea?

I’ve been to the one by Newark Airport, walked around forever and had some meatballs.

I’d love to go back. It was a neat place to walk and browse.

[Tax-chick]

If I had that cat, I would have to get rid of all my black clothes.

[Monkey Face]

LOL! :o])

[Monkey Face]

And a yummy brefass it was, too! Not to mention good company.

[Monkey Face]

As would I! Still, it’s very pretty.

[Tax-chick]

Very plush.

[Monkey Face]

The laundry is washed, and now I have to hang them up.

I’m running a low-grade fever, as I expected I would, after the last week, and really want to lie down.

I have to write to my grandson, which I didn’t do yesterday, but I don’t know how I’m going to fit that in, considering how tired I feel.

This may be a day when I don’t go sit with the peeps. We shall see how I feel after I hang the clothes.

[Gefn]

I hadn’t thought of that.

White fur is the new black?

[Gefn]

I don’t know why white cats are now in vogue. Today’s cheeseburger is awash with white cats and white kittens. With and without floof.

[moose07]

I see you are an IKEA GrandMaster.
:)