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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07; Darksheare; NoCmpromiz; ArGee; NicknamedBob
Good morning.

Ravens have been spotted nesting in D.C. It’s the first time a raven’s nest has been seen in our nation’s capital in a century.

.

Quote these ravens, " Give me more".

5,161 posted on 03/17/2016 3:54:34 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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5,162 posted on 03/17/2016 4:03:08 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

LOL!


5,163 posted on 03/17/2016 4:25:25 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: ArGee

I’m sure this was funny and full of spoonerisms, but I had to take it phrase by phrase. Sorry. My brain is having a Full Moon Incident. It’s only temporary.


5,164 posted on 03/17/2016 6:23:32 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Tax-chick

What a pretty floofy kitteh! Amazing colors. :o]


5,165 posted on 03/17/2016 6:24:48 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Covenantor

Perhaps they are a harbinger of doom for the current administration?

Omens is what I see... :o|


5,166 posted on 03/17/2016 6:26:39 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Covenantor

Poor goggie!


5,167 posted on 03/17/2016 6:27:10 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Tax-chick; Covenantor; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz; ArGee; All

Happy St Paddy’s Day, everyone!!!


5,168 posted on 03/17/2016 6:28:15 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face

Tortoise without white.


5,169 posted on 03/17/2016 6:35:47 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

for the whole damn uni-party system...


5,170 posted on 03/17/2016 6:56:53 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Monkey Face

Sometimes the sofa wins...those darn crumbs.


5,171 posted on 03/17/2016 6:57:52 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

Very pretty.

I’m almost done with the cleaning. I have to vacuum the rug, then mop the floors, put down the throw rugs, and call it a day.

Tomorrow I will put on the corned beef to cook, then put clean sheets on the bed. Then relax and wait...with prayers up for my friend, “Bruthie the Bruther.”


5,172 posted on 03/17/2016 7:52:10 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face

I vacuumed and mopped last night.


5,173 posted on 03/17/2016 8:40:27 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I have to clean house in stages, what with CFIDS and all. The aides could do it in two hours twice a month, but it has taken me a week to get this far.

And when I did the bedroom floor, I was reminded that I have to get the containers out from under the bed and sort through the yarn and see what I want to keep and what I want to give up.

I see a lot of stuff here, in the living room, that can go in its place. Then I don’t have to look at it. :o])


5,174 posted on 03/17/2016 8:47:21 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face
I have help. Right now I have a Tipton T. Longcat attempting to engage his Lapcat Mode which is as marginally successful as could be expected since his emulation hardware more readily assumes Sprawl Mode..

Anyway, an excursion outdoors produced this sight..

Actually there are quite a few in the various daffodil patches about the property that are opening up. And it is projected to drop to 25° Saturday night. Far too many and too spread out to cover so they're on their own..

Also spotted some blueish violetlooking things peeping through the grass. But I haven't seen the crocuses this year. Wonder why.

This stonething which may have been a watering trough at one time has the original property owner's name and the date 1879 inscribed on the interior. The attempt at 'modern' plumbing in the midsection is of later date. How and to what it was connected is unknown.

5,175 posted on 03/17/2016 12:00:14 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I have some beautiful purple irises on the north side of my apartment, but I have seen no buds on them this year. I would like to transplant them to the east side so they could get some “speckled” sunlight at times, but I don’t even have any gardening tools. :o|

My daughter loves daffodils, and I like them, too, along with crocuses, but haven’t seen the latter two since we lived in Puget Sound.

I hope most of the daffys on your property survive the night! That stone thingy looks really interesting. Too bad someone had to ugly it up with a faucet.


5,176 posted on 03/17/2016 12:18:55 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Covenantor

Ravens in DC:

That is a very good sign for the Election and the Nation as a whole.
“If the Ravens ever leave the Tower, then the Kingdom shall fall”

Either that or there is a smell that attracts a carrion feeding Corvid.....Emanating from somewhere....


5,177 posted on 03/17/2016 12:25:05 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: Monkey Face

St Paddy’s day....

Drink! :)


5,178 posted on 03/17/2016 12:31:08 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

I’m doing that as we speak! The corned beef brisket, cabbage and vegs will be done tomorrow, about the time my friend gets here from the north.

However, there will be more beer (Guinness) tomorrow! Since I have Irish blood, (as well as Scots and British) I can celebrate in style! Still, it would be nice to see one of the countries that produced progenitors who were involved in my eventual birth! :o])

So, Moosie (hoisting glass) here’s to you!


5,179 posted on 03/17/2016 12:44:38 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: moose07

At one time, I had “Lenore” memorized, but not today. To make up for my memory lapse, I have a niece by the name of Lenore! And she is very beautiful!

(No, I didn’t have any say in her naming! LOL!)


5,180 posted on 03/17/2016 12:46:42 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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