Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
WHOA!!! LOL!
I have a salad, but I by-passed the Ides of March salad for something a little less controversial.
Now, all I need is some Riesling...then I’ll be ready for company on Friday! :o]
My peeps wanted to know if they could meet my company from the North, and I told them yes. ;o]
Did you ever think of that as a form of metastasizing a "Creation Event"?
Well..
There WERE some comments made when she informed us that she was carrying twins. Some along those lines and some about ‘making up for lost time’..
She has been part of our group for over ten years and remained single though with two broken engagements, so we all were very happy for her when she found the ‘right guy’ to marry. We’re also glad in spite of everything that they have the babies. She was getting worried about that biological clock thing since she is in her mid 30’s.
Spotted this on Amazon.
I want one! Good thing we have the free shipping ...
Awww...so much floof in such small spaces!!
I especially like Percy. THAT is a lazy cat! LOL!
I walked into the edge of the bathroom door in the middle of the night. It left an ugly red “blood-thinner-type” welt across my forearm. I try to be careful because of my fragile skin (Since the early ‘90’s) but it seems just when I get them all healed up, I start smacking myself again...
My bad.
Today is Wednesday; Hump day.
Hmph. So that’s what I ran into.
Stop punishing yourself, Dobby.
Yep...that’s it..Hmpf Day...
Free shipping on a box of octo-pusses.
;>)
Exploding yaks?
Do they even have yaks in England?
Don’t say “gack”.
Just drop the “sacrement class” and frame it as a Make Up lesson.
I guarantee the hispanic women will be there.
(Or is that racist?)
Don’t talk back...
;o])
Mexican is not a race ;-). And your pun works just fine on “teenaged girls,” which is the relevant demographic group.
Jake is waiting stretched out in his bed in the sunbeam.
The sun is trying to come up, so I think I’ll go wash up the few dishes I have. Maybe I’ll feel like starting on the floors, later. I hope.
But I am so tired! Times like these, I wish I had an aide. At the moment, they are more trouble than they are worth.
Your aides are like my teenagers: it’s easier to do everything yourself.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.