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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: moose07

Who’s afraid of Germans?

Anywhichway, hopefully you’ll be over the cold soon and can get to enjoying the iconic English spring weather.

Somewhere else, of course.


5,101 posted on 03/15/2016 1:03:26 PM PDT by ArGee (Even Trump is offering same ol' same ol', just with different sauce.)
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To: Monkey Face

:-)
They are firing Civil war era cannon on the Telly.
Lots of lovely Smoke and noise.


5,102 posted on 03/15/2016 1:08:31 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

I LIKE esplody things!


5,103 posted on 03/15/2016 1:11:04 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face; ArGee

Wish the narrator would pipe down a bit, he keeps interrupting the Pyrodex symphony with sensible things.


5,104 posted on 03/15/2016 1:15:41 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

Is it the anniversary of a Civil War event, or just random fun with historic ordnance?


5,105 posted on 03/15/2016 1:19:34 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face; moose07

That’s the problem when we go to select a movie. To me a movie is great if it has car chases or explosions. Or even if it has car chases that end in explosions.

Mrs. ArGee likes to watch people talk. I tell her she can do that on the Subway.

That conversation never ends well.


5,106 posted on 03/15/2016 1:25:34 PM PDT by ArGee (Even Trump is offering same ol' same ol', just with different sauce.)
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To: ArGee; moose07
Who’s afraid of Germans?

Obviously not mooslime refugihadists. They are taking over the place..

5,107 posted on 03/15/2016 1:27:57 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick

Its a Sensible Historical Programme that was clearly written and presented by an expert in his field, ably assisted by a production crew that really go to town on authentic battle field action.
The series starts with the Norman invasion and slowly works its way through history. The Battle scenes are always acted out with Great accuracy and enthusiasm. :)
Charles has lost his head again, like he did last time the series was on.

There are several Programs that have fun with historic ordnance but none of them do the Artillery scenes quite as well as this one. To much talk ,not enough Boom.
Scotland is getting the blame for something now....Cannons are being pulled around again.


5,108 posted on 03/15/2016 1:28:45 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: ArGee
And then there's ...

Bananas and chocolate and explosions.

Heaven!

5,109 posted on 03/15/2016 1:30:37 PM PDT by ArGee (Even Trump is offering same ol' same ol', just with different sauce.)
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To: ArGee; Monkey Face

LoL!
They should show two different versions.
90 minutes of Boom or 90 minutes of yak. :)


5,110 posted on 03/15/2016 1:32:34 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: ArGee; moose07; Tax-chick

I, too, like car chases and ‘splody things! If a movie doesn’t have a lot of action, I get bored with it. (Again, Adult ADHD.)

So my movie collection has a lot of action-packed movies.


5,111 posted on 03/15/2016 1:48:40 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: Monkey Face; ArGee; Tax-chick

Once you discover C4 ,there is just no going back. :)


5,112 posted on 03/15/2016 1:50:36 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Put the Cheese down and step away.!)
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To: moose07

Fer SHURE! :o])


5,113 posted on 03/15/2016 2:10:38 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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To: moose07

Blaming Scotland is probably a safe bet.


5,114 posted on 03/15/2016 2:24:14 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face
Who's having a Caesar salad today?


5,115 posted on 03/15/2016 2:27:57 PM PDT by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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To: ArGee
That conversation never ends well.

Well duh!

You let her frame it as a conversation.

Next time you frame it as blowing stuff up!...

5,116 posted on 03/15/2016 2:31:55 PM PDT by null and void (This is "They live", and most people would rather fight you than put on the glasses...)
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Just for the record, it being the Hides of Merch and all that, I wished my Baby Sister a Happy 29th Birthday today. After verifying that it is indeed her 29th, of course.

Must check on these things to keep the maths right.. ;-)

And I 'sold' 73% of the remaining tickets I have for this years Creation Festival. Which is 53% of the total block of tickets I have. That leaves me with 20% of the original block of tickets unclaimed. For now. But I just got a text massage on my smortphome asking if I had any left and how much..

On a positive note, the block of tickets I sold ensure that we will have our full 'kitchen staff' this year. Which means among other things that the meals will be a bit more planned than they were last year without them. Last year the event interfered with a minor thing called 'high school graduation' which left us effectively 15ish people short of our normal group. Still waiting to hear from one family group that numbers 8 - 10 depending on the phase of the moon and the price of frijoles negros in Peru or something. But there's still three and a half months..

Also checked with my partner in crime (maybe I should just stick with 'partner' or 'staff member') who was unavailable last year due to the minor issue of birthing twins. I passed along the offers of babysitting assistance from the three 'moms' already on board but even with that offer of help she and her hubby feel that it is too soon - the twins will be 13.75 months old at the time of this years event - and the logistics are difficult at this stage. She did suggest that the tickets I hold for her and hubby be offered to her Sis-in-Law so I sent that email.

And now I'm wating for a return phone call on that old-fashioned landline device.

And it's 60 of those Fahrenheit divisions outside.

5,117 posted on 03/15/2016 2:39:57 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: null and void

stolen


5,118 posted on 03/15/2016 2:43:54 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

It’s 80 here. I’m about to leave for church to teach a makeup lesson of my bilingual sacrament class followed by the regular lesson. It’s only four weeks, and the schedule was published last September. It would be nice to have better attendance.

Yes, I know the Morenos had a car problem last week, and the Conejos haven’t been heard from, and the other Hernandez family is flaky about everything, but sometimes I just want to say *gack*.


5,119 posted on 03/15/2016 2:45:28 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: NoCmpromiz

64 of those Fahrenheit divisions outside on my Pat-I-Oh.


5,120 posted on 03/15/2016 3:10:43 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not sure what my Spirit Animal is, but I'm pretty sure it has rabies. FB)
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